Shen Lei observed Luo Lin’s expression but didn’t quite know what to make of it. He knew that Luo Lin was waiting for something from him. But even after all these years, he hadn’t figured out what that was.
Asking him to marry him was something that he had considered but he was afraid that in the end, it would just lead to rejection. Maybe he was being too careful there. Maybe it would be better to just throw caution to the wind and say what he wanted to in the hopes that it would work out instead of waiting for some kind of sign that could help him make sure that it wouldn’t go wrong. At the very least, giving it a try might yield something.
Even though that thought crossed his mind, Shen Lei just gave a gentle smile in the end. Maybe compared to that youngling Mei Chao Bing, he actually lacked guts. If he did it and their relationship collapsed because of it, he would regret it forever. So at least for the time being, he’d rather keep things as they were and take some more time. Maybe he would be able to come up with a better plan some time. He sure hoped for that. After all, for him, there was no doubt that Luo Lin was the one for him.
Seeing that there wasn’t much that he could say, Shen Lei just talked to Luo Lin for a moment longer and then motioned in the direction of the Sect Master’s palace. “I should go. Your Master actually told me not to come and see you but I sneaked over anyway. I’m afraid I’ll have to go and take care of my task though.”
Luo Lin immediately held onto his arm as if not being able to bear letting go. “Is Ah Lei sure that he doesn’t want to stay for at least a little while?”
Looking into those eyes, Shen Lei had a hard time saying no. Unfortunately, he knew that he needed to right now. “Well, if it was just me … I definitely wouldn’t say no. Unfortunately, this matter is a little bit bigger.
“Also, your little junior is involved. And I know just how much he means to my little fairy. I’m going to make sure that he’ll be alright. After that … I’ll come back here.” He kissed Luo Lin’s temple and then still stepped back even though his heart hurt doing so.
Ah, to be able to stay in the sect for a bit longer and enjoy himself … he would give a lot for that. Unfortunately, his Master really liked sending him out on missions. And now, it seemed that even other people’s Master’s liked to send him on some. Well, the sooner he finished things with the Sect Master, the sooner he could see Luo Lin again. “I’ll go and report. If they need more time, I’ll come back here immediately.”
Luo Lin nodded and then watched him leave. When Shen Lei left his sight, his smile collapsed a little though. He stepped back into the house, closed the door behind him, and leaned against the wood. He couldn’t help but stare blankly. Shen Lei … would he really come back? He just couldn’t help that kind of thought.
Thinking of his little junior, on the other hand, he really hoped that he was doing well. All these years, he had been steadfast in his admiration for Mei Chao Bing. All those years spent on finding out what he was doing, following him around while keeping out of sight, always inquiring about him … he sure hoped that they would not be in vain.
But it seemed that Yun Bei Fen really was lucky in that regard. Not only had Mei Chao Bing noticed him, but they were even engaged now. So in the future … yes, in the future, he probably could count on him.
Luo Lin sighed and then returned to his room, sitting down on his bed cross-legged and trying to cultivate. Unfortunately, he really couldn’t focus.
He didn’t like to go on missions but it was so much easier not to worry when Shen Lei was at his side. Now that he was all alone and even for several days in a row, he couldn’t help but think of the worst.
Who knew if Shen Lei would really come back to him? There were so many people who had gone to the border region. There were a lot of things that could happen. And he didn’t have enough trust not to fear that the end result would be that he was left behind again. That thought was really difficult to bear.
He sighed and then pulled his legs up to his chest, leaning against the headboard of the bed. Before this, he had been pretty good at walking away. It was just that with Shen Lei, things were a bit different.
They had been together for much longer than he had ever been with another man. And when they were together, he did feel rather secure in his relationship. He couldn’t even say for sure what it was but Shen Lei just had a way of making him feel safe with him. As if he was more to him than just somebody to share his bed with.
Unfortunately, as soon as he was out of the door, the worries would start. And there was no way to chain him to his side, was there?
He sighed and then just lay down, closing his eyes. In any case, he just had to wait for Shen Lei to come back. If he didn’t … well, if he didn’t, there were still other people out there. One day, he would find the right one. Even if he might hope that that person was Shen Lei, that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t be able to settle for somebody else. He had tried it often enough.