Hua Lin Yu gulped. Of course, for all these years, his Master had always been on his side. But he absolutely didn’t like the sound of ‘wanting to have a chat’. In fact, it made him wonder if it wouldn’t have been better to stay with his family instead. Even though he would’ve needed to see Xin Lan sooner, at least he wouldn’t have needed to defend himself in front of his Master. Now, he seemed to have made things more troublesome for himself.
Fei Bai Mu really wanted to sigh when she saw her disciple’s expression. It wasn’t like she would chew him out, was it? In any case, she couldn’t remember ever having done that. In fact, when it came to Hua Lin Yu’s relationship, she felt that she had pressured Xin Lan much more than him in the beginning and then hadn’t gotten involved in their relationship at all.
Well, she wasn’t about to discuss these things in front of an outsider so she ignored her disciple and turned to Wu Ya. “Just let me call in one of the disciples. I’m sure that you would also like to get to know some more people in the sect before you leave. Maybe you’ll be able to strike up a friendship and find somebody who will accompany you on some more missions.”
Wu Ya nodded, not thinking too much about the exchange between the Master and disciple he had just seen.
Fei Bai Mu called in one of the disciples from the gate and told them to bring Wu Ya. She waited for them to leave before she turned to Hua Lin Yu again. “Alright, your brother didn’t give me the full details. Would you mind doing that instead?”
Hua Lin Yu pursed his lips but then still told her what had happened. “But you don’t need to say anything, Master. My brother already talked it through with me. I understand why I was wrong.”
“Do you really?” Fei Bai Mu sighed and rubbed her face. To be honest, she saw this similar to Hua Lin Rong even though she didn’t know about that matter with Bai Mu. Still, she had seen Xin Lan often enough to realize that he was a man who definitely valued strength. And with this, Xiao Yu had forced him to become vulnerable. It was clear that he would need some time to come to terms with that.
There was one thing where she was of a different opinion to Hua Lin Rong though. “I don’t think that you need to worry about Xin Lan being angry. If he was angry, it wouldn’t be at you but at himself.”
Hua Lin Yu raised his brows, not getting what she meant. He did like the sound of it though. “I shouldn’t worry?”
Fei Bai Mu shook her head and then got up, folding her hands behind her back and pacing up and down in the room. “From how I know him, he is usually somebody who doesn’t care much about things. Whether it is people, things, or upholding appearances, he couldn’t care less.”
Hua Lin Yu nodded without a second thought. It was definitely how he had gotten to know his fiance. He didn’t really care about anyone or anything. Not even himself, to be honest. In fact, the only person Xin Lan cared about was him. Talking about it that way, Hua Lin Yu felt a little sweet.
Fei Bai Mu didn’t bother about her disciple’s suddenly bashful appearance and just continued with her musings. “There are a few exceptions to this rule, however. And that is probably because of his personal history.
“He grew up in a different time and he has seen that make things mean nothing. With time, a lot of them will be eroded. People die, kingdoms fall, even the face of the earth changes with the millennia. We can see that as human cultivators. For a dragon, it is even more obvious, especially if it is an old one such as Xin Lan.
“Because of this, he doesn’t care to get attached to things. But there is one thing that has probably never failed him: his strength. Knowing that he can take on any foe is important to him. It is something that gives him security in an uncertain world where he doesn’t quite fit in.
“At the same time, it has also made him become apathetic to others’ plights. He doesn’t understand those weaker than him and he can’t be bothered to change that. So I think that he has trouble relating to others because of that.”
Hua Lin Yu just looked at her, not really understanding what she was getting at.
Fei Bai Mu stopped and turned around. “To a certain degree, the same is true between the two of you. There are times when you won’t understand each other. In that situation, what you wanted was closeness. Not just in a way that is physical but also emotional. You were trying to get that by removing what you saw as a barrier between the two of you.
“But Xin Lan likely has never learned to be emotionally close to somebody and that mask is like an armor he wears, closing him off further. His first reaction to somebody trying to take that from him would have been an aggressive one if it had been anyone but you.” She fell quiet for a moment, a sense of dread in her heart. “To be honest, you were lucky. He was probably afraid of hurting you so he pulled back instead. It wasn’t a rejection of you or your relationship but rather a way of protecting himself.
“In the end, if Xin Lan thinks about it, he will come to realize why you did what you did. He will probably regret not having stayed and made things clear to you so he will be angry at himself for letting something like this come between you. Especially so after you already had some troubles in the past because he knows that he made things more difficult again.
“That is why I believe he wouldn’t blame you for it but only himself. Because he believes that he should be able to take care of everything by himself. He wants to solve everything by himself. The thought that it is your fault probably won’t even cross his mind.”
Hua Lin Yu hadn’t known what to say before already and now, he knew even less. Was this true? Did Xin Lan think that he couldn’t rely on him to do this kind of thing right? Well, it wouldn’t be strange. In any case, compared to Xin Lan, he lacked experience in all things.
Suddenly, not being the one at fault didn’t seem so great anymore. He didn’t want Xin Lan to blame himself. He got up and then shifted on the spot when his Master looked at him before he finally motioned to the door. “I should go.”
“Go away?” She definitely couldn’t let her disciple run away again. Especially not without telling her where he went.
Hua Lin Yu reached up to his ear, faintly touching the earring that was wound around his earlobe. “Just outside. Don’t worry, I won’t go far. I just want to contact Xin Lan.”
Fei Bai Mu stared at him deeply, trying to make certain that he was saying the truth. Finally, she nodded. “It’s good you came around. He really doesn’t deserve to be sent from one place to the other without knowing what is going on. You definitely owe him an explanation and then the two of you can have a talk and make things right.”
Hua Lin Yu nodded and then stepped out, but just when he wanted to turn around to wave her goodbye, he stopped in his tracks, his gaze focusing on the person that stood next to the door, his expression turning completely blank.