Qiang Wei and Yi Zan looked up when they heard steps and then bowed when Qiu Ling came inside. “Your Majesty.”
Qiu Ling nodded faintly and then walked past them, sitting down at the edge of Jing He’s bed. He took his hand and quietly looked at him, his thoughts unknown.
The other two dragons exchanged a glance and then quietly receded, not bothering him. Since His Majesty was now in the Nine Heavens, he would probably be here more often to visit His Highness. This really didn’t come as a surprise.
Meanwhile, back inside, Qiu Ling felt like his thoughts were immediately calming down now that he looked at Jing He. He didn’t say anything though and just continued to look at him in silence. In any case, right now, there wasn’t anything to say.
He would’ve liked to share his worries with him but it wasn’t like he could do that. Not to mention that right now, Jing He wasn’t even awake, even if he was, he could hardly broach the subject of how to tell him something by talking it through with Jing He himself.
No, he would have to go through this alone. Or, well, with the help of Xiang Yong and An Bai. Although in the end, considering that this person was his lover, he should probably be able to do it on his own. After all, while Jing He might have gotten along well with An Bai, he was still the person who knew him best. That was something he was rather sure of.
Qiu Ling sighed and wrapped his other hand around Jing H’s as well, continuing to look at his face. “I miss you.” In the end, this was the only thing he had to say. That was what would always be true. No matter what, he would always miss him. That wouldn’t change. Even though he had to say that it was a little easier when Jing Yi was at his side, at the back of his head, there was always the thought of Jing He.
Qiu Ling sighed one again. “You have no idea how much I miss you. This trial has really been going on for way too long. I wish I could do something about it but, well, that isn’t really possible right now.
“In any case, I hope you’ll be able to take it well when the time comes. Just know that I never wanted to hurt you.” He gave a faint laugh but there was a sliver of pain mixed within. “I guess I’ve already said this before. Just … I still can’t help but think of it all the time. You know, seeing you unhappy is the one thing I’m really afraid of.” He sighed and then looked up at the window, not even sure what to do.
Jing He couldn’t hear him. All the words he spoke to him right now were in vain. He could profess his love for him, tell him about all the things that he would like to tell him later on but it wouldn’t change anything. Because there was no soul residing in this body right now so there was no chance that he would hear anything even subconsciously. Right now, this was just an empty shell. And still, he always gravitated toward it.
“I think it’s quite curious. Our curse is clearly bound to the soul. So how come I just can’t stay away? There is no soul here right now but I still … I still can’t treat you quite the same.” His brows furrowed, his gaze became complicated. Yes, if he was completely honest with himself, then he probably really didn’t treat them the same. And he wasn’t sure when that had happened.
He tried to think back and his grip on Jing He’s hands loosened a little. “When I followed you to the mortal realm, I never saw that child as anyone but you. Your mortal reincarnation, that was all he was to me. I’m not sure when that changed, when I managed to see him as a person of his own that was lovable in his own way.
“There aren’t actually that many similarities. I think you are quite different. And still, there are things that remind me of you when I see him. Although maybe it’s not necessarily that it is because you are similar but because there’s something in that life that you might enjoy. Actually, maybe that is it. Maybe you also want to have that kind of simple life. Maybe that is why the two of us … have gravitated toward each other just as much in this life.”
He pondered for a moment but finally shook his head at himself. “I guess I’m thinking too much though. I am cursed and you carved your soul. We’re probably just both idiots. But I guess that is what love does to a person.”
His gaze became empty and he just held onto Jing He as if that was the only thing keeping him in this place. He really didn’t know what to do. Waiting was agonizing. But there was nothing else that he was able to do considering that he wasn’t like An Bai. He wasn’t a scholar. He couldn’t just go and find a solution himself. Even if he tried, he would probably feel bad about it because it would influence Jing Yi. So all that he could do was wait for results but that was difficult to deal with as well.
He sighed and then leaned down, kissing Jing He’s hand. “Just let me sit with you for a while, alright? That is all that I need. To be with you for a bit. I know it won’t change anything but it can at least give me a little bit of hope. And right now, I really feel that I need that.”