Leng Jin Yu had his thoughts about why Qiu Ling was acting the way he was and didn’t rush him. They were still in a situation where the balance between them was fragile. And he didn’t want to risk destroying it. To think they had even come this far in such a short time was something that he was rather happy about. Losing that would hurt quite a bit. Thus, he could only give him time.
Quite a few minutes seemed to have gone by when Qiu Ling finally looked up again. “I understand what you mean. I guess waiting slightly longer wouldn’t be that bad. In any case, I have already waited a long time.” He rubbed his forehead, clearly not quite happy with that.
Leng Jin Yu gave him a moment longer before he continued where he had previously left off. “I think this is important so that he knows that you weren’t just trying to rush into things because you were afraid he would change his mind if he remembered.
“This is one of the ways in which you can show him that he is important to you. He as an individual that will have his thoughts and feelings about what happened with the trial. He needs to work through that to be able to go forward. And I think neither you nor I have any illusions about how difficult that will be. Considering Jing Yi’s stance on the matter you can already imagine how Jing He will feel.
“Just think of that. And then think of what he is missing. And I think then you already have your answer. You need to be honest with him. Honest to a fault. No matter what you’ve said or done or even thought, you need to lay it all out in the open. Because only then does he know that he can trust you no matter what. And if he still wants to marry you afterward, there will be no problems between you going forward. Otherwise, I’m afraid this will come back to haunt you in the future.”
Qiu Ling nodded. “Then … Do you think that also means telling him about myself?” Thinking of that, the hand that was still propping up his forehead actually shook. Jing He was used to perfection. Any imperfections were covered up. That was something that he knew very well. And it was one of the reasons why he hadn’t told Jing He despite knowing each other for ten years but had been able to tell Jing Yi about who he really was after a much shorter amount of time. The thought of telling his lover terrified him. Because he was scared of the fact that this might be an imperfection too big for Jing He to accept and just sweep under the rug.
Leng Jin Yu gulped when he caught Qiu Ling’s drift. This matter was indeed difficult. On the one hand, there was a legitimate fear that Jing He would indeed not be able to deal with it and call off not only the wedding but the relationship altogether. On the other hand, he would remember anyway so maybe it was a moot point to even wonder whether he should tell him. He would have to anyway.
When and how to bring it up and whether he could trust that Jing He would really be able to take it that was a different matter altogether. And for a dragon who relied on their partner and the love they felt for them this was something that couldn’t be carelessly done.
He thought of a few possibilities and finally gave a curt nod. “Yes, tell him beforehand. Think about it: This is something that is at the core of your roots. Most of the things that happened in your life lead back to that point in some way or another.
“It isn’t strange that you would be scared of sharing that. It also makes sense that you would use the trial to, well, give it a try and tell his reincarnation to see how he would react. But if you wait for him to discover it alone that might be too much for him. It would make it even more difficult for him to accept it I’m afraid.
“On the other hand, if you are honest and tell him that it isn’t easy for you to make it clear to him, then I could imagine that he would be willing to confront this openly. After all, it won’t be like hearing it from somebody else — in this case, Jing Yi — but he will hear it from you. And I think that you telling him is completely different from finding it out any other way. I think that he needs that. And I think that you also need that to make your peace with it.”
Qiu Ling lowered his hand and looked at him, seeming quite exhausted. “And what if he can’t accept it?”
“What am I supposed to say about that? That isn’t something that you can change. Not right now. Not until it happens. But if he has trouble accepting it in the end, you should give him some time and then just do what you did before: Try to ease him into it slowly, give him the feeling that — no matter what — you will be there for him to make it work together. I think if you do that, then with time, he will understand that it isn’t that bad. In any case, your mother …” He trailed off, feeling a little strange when he thought about it. All things considered, Bian Hao had still been his wife once.
He coughed and then gave a wry smile before he picked up again. “Your mother wasn’t a full-blooded demon. She was at most a halfling. Maybe even less. That would explain why we never found out. Most likely, she was enough of a dragon to not possess dark energy and actually have a dragon form. Otherwise, she never would’ve been able to slip under everyone’s radar that easily.”
Qiu Ling faintly narrowed his eyes. “Did you see that dragon form before?” He knew he himself had one since he had taken it on every now and then even though he didn’t like to. But he had wondered about his mother. Just how much of a demon had she been? He himself didn’t know. And he wondered if his father had any kind of insight there that he was lacking.
Leng Jin Yu furrowed his brows and finally shook his head. “No, to be honest, I didn’t. I was never, well, we were never that close that it would’ve come up. But I think that she did take it on at least on one occasion. And I wouldn’t know of any way to fake that.”
If pretending to be a dragon was that easy, then Jin Ling would’ve done it as well to pretend to be a dragon or Qiu Ling could have used it to show a form different from his real one. But it just wasn’t possible. Leng Jin Yu hadn’t heard about that in his new life and there was no record of anything in the memory from his previous one so he had been rather assured in bringing it up.
“Then what exactly do you know about that? What transpired? I just … I know it’s not really important but I want to know. Just for my peace of mind.”