Qiu Ling’s gaze softened when Jing Yi offered this. He knew that it definitely hadn’t been easy for him to say that just now. The fact that he was still doing it meant that they were probably going in the right direction.
In the end, he shook his head though. “I know that it’s not easy for you to hear how much he means to me. So don’t worry. I won’t actually do that. I’ll try to hold back a little. I can’t promise that I won’t remember things every now and then since we spent all of our time here after all but I won’t deliberately bring it up. I think that just wouldn’t be fair to you.”
Jing Yi smiled as well. “Looks like I worried too much.”
Qiu Ling reached out to take his hand and then couldn’t help but shake his head. “I think over the last few days, the two of us have both been thinking too much. In any case, the situation is what it is. We can’t change anything about that. We can only try to take it one step at a time and see how to get through this. I know it’s unfair to you but I don’t think there’s anything else we can do.”
Jing Yi nodded and squeezed Qiu Ling’s hand back. “I also know that it’s not your fault. The laws of the Nine Heavens … it’s not like they were made by you. No matter what you think of it personally, it won’t change what the gods want. Even if you were to tell them that you don’t agree, what would it change? At most, they might not even allow you to see me and just try and take matters into their own hands again. Then, it wouldn’t have helped at all.”
Qiu Ling nodded. “That is precisely what I think would happen, yes. Well, I think from their perspective, it is understandable. They don’t really know you. You are a stranger to them while Jing He … to the Heavenly Emperor and Heavenly Empress, he naturally has the highest priority.” He couldn’t help but fall silent and think of what the Heavenly Empress had told him.
If there had really been other children before, if such a curse existed, then it was no wonder that the two of them would be like this. After all, there was currently a chance that they might lose this one child that they had actually managed to raise into adulthood as well and that only because something had gone wrong on this trial that originally should have been safe.
For a moment, Qiu Ling’s thoughts couldn’t help but jump to the future. After Jing He returned and they got married, there would come a day when they decided that it would be time to have children as well. It wouldn’t be immediately considering Jing He’s age but one day, it would happen.
Would that curse still be valid for them? Even though Jing He had married outside of the god race? He was afraid that if this curse was just placed on the bloodline of the Heavenly Emperor, that would indeed be the case. So maybe, he and Jing He would have to go through the same thing.
Just the thought of having a child with Jing He and then losing it … it pained him. Going through the actual experience … he didn’t even want to imagine that. But, well, what could he do? The curse existed. And he wanted to be with Jing He. There was nobody else.
In fact, even if it was Jing Yi, the curse might affect him since he still carried Jing He’s soul after all. But in any case, he knew that having a child with Jing Yi would never be an option anyway. Treating him like he treated Jing He was already a risk. Marrying him before he managed to marry Jing He was out of the question because surely, Jing He would not be able to take it. And then, having a child … he was certain that this was something that Jing He would never be able to get over no matter how much he talked.
Jing Yi saw that Qiu Ling had suddenly become absent-minded and couldn’t help but reach out and nudge his forehead. “What’s the matter? You are suddenly looking … worried again.”
Qiu Ling was pulled out of thoughts but didn’t quite know how to explain. This was a private matter that the Heavenly Empress had confessed to him and something that didn’t concern Jing Yi. He knew he shouldn’t tell him but there was a faint trace of guilt. He sighed, feeling that he really needed to work on this problem.
In the end, Qiu Ling could only shake his head. “I was just thinking of the Heavenly Empress. You know I don’t get along that well with Jing He’s father but she was always nice to me. She had some worries in the beginning that I wouldn’t treat him well enough and might not be the right person for him but overall, she was always in favor of our relationship.
“I know that Jing He means the world to her. And she must be very pained now that she knows that he will still not wake up for quite some time. Originally, it should’ve only been a few months. Two, maybe three. Then she would have gotten him back. I know for a fact that even at that time, she already missed him. And by now, more than three years have gone by. I think it’s safe to say that it is really heartbreaking for her. I can’t help but feel a little guilty about it since I was the one who derailed the trial so much in the first place.”
Jing Yi nodded but didn’t say anything. In any case, his own perspective on this matter was something that wasn’t really valuable to Qiu Ling right now. Thus, he just held his hand, trying to silently be there for him while he calmed down.