OMF V4C91 In Heaven’s Name

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Jing He couldn’t see it but this time he was sure that Tian was smiling at him. After all, wasn’t that always what he did when he had some irresponsible wish? He would look at him with those soulful eyes and then give him that charming smile that made him unable to reject any of his wishes.
“I … Do I have to?”
Tian seemed to hear that he had already convinced him halfway. He gently grabbed Jing He’s waist and murmured his assent. “I would really appreciate it. You know when we got to know each other back then I nearly instantly thought of that. I just …” He sighed and leaned forward until his forehead touched his lover’s.
A special warmth spread to Jing He and the last bit of resistance melted away. Ah, whatever it was he wanted he would do it for him. What was singing one lullaby? It wasn’t like that was anything indecent either. So why shouldn’t he?
Tian had no idea that he had already convinced his lover and threw himself into a teary explanation. “My love, you don’t know but these years I’ve sometimes had trouble falling asleep. I’d be lying there in that cold and lonely palace and my thoughts would inevitably wander toward the Nine Heavens. I would remember the time we spend here and recall each and every word that was uttered from your lips. I would imagine all those little gestures you do and wonder what we would do if you were there with me at that moment.
“So, for the whole night, I’d be lying there until dawn arrives again. And even when I finally fall asleep then I still can’t rest. I can only rest at your side. Lying here next to you or walking beside you in the day … that’s when my mind is completely at ease.”
Jing He smiled and gently covered Tian’s hand on his waist with his own. “I had no idea it’s that grave.”
“Mn. So, my love, be so kind and sing one song for me, alright? I’ll listen and engrave it into my heart and when I feel restless again I’ll remember and I’d certainly feel better then. Won’t you do me that little favor?”
“Well, if it’s such a grave issue, then I naturally can’t reject it, can I?”
“Mn, that would be … I would appreciate it so much if you could do this for me.”
“Then, what kind of lullaby would you like?”
“I don’t care!”
The response came so fast that Jing He really had to wonder if his lover had prepared this for a long time already. The eagerness in his voice didn’t help diffuse this notion either. Well, Jing He didn’t mind.
“Normally, I don’t sing so you can’t be angry if it’s not up to par.”
“Oh, no need to say that. I will love it anyway. It’s you singing for me, after all.”
“Mn.”
Jing He smiled and held his lover’s hand, thinking of that one song he normally didn’t dare to sing. His lover next to him waited with bated breath. Finally, Jing He took a deep breath and his lips parted, issuing the first sound.
“Thinking of that familiar figure, remembering the lines in that face, recalling the voice gently calling out to me, reminiscing about that sweet touch.”
This song wasn’t well-known and normally, even those who knew it wouldn’t dare to sing it. Jing Yi didn’t know and Jing He at this moment didn’t think about it but this was a song that was said to have been sung by Xing for his husband Tian. And rather than calling it a lullaby it would be more accurate to call it a lament because this was what Xing had sung when Tian marched off to war when it hadn’t been sure whether they would see each other ever again.
“If ten-thousand li separate us, if flood and fire bar your way, if our mighty enemy’s army thwarts you, then remember that I … am still waiting for you.”
His lover’s grip tightened as if he would really fear that something like that might ever happen. Maybe it was a little cruel to sing this song before separating but Jing He really couldn’t think of anything else that summed his feelings better up right now.
“From the distance I call you, wanting to visit you at least in your dreams. I pray to Heaven for your safe return, fearing for them to bring back news of disaster.
Oh, my love, other half of my soul, why did you have to go? Why would you leave me while braving those dangers alone? I know a man like you can’t be tied down but at least … at least take me with you to die at your side.
I do not fear death or injury. What I only fear is to never see you again. Remembering, recalling, reminiscing forever and ever while being alone.”
Tian finally was unable to take it. He pulled Jing He into his arms, his grip tighter than it had ever been before. His lips found Jing He’s but the kiss was desperate as if his life depended on it.
“Jing He … let’s … let’s never separate, alright? Whatever happens in the future let’s face it together. I’ll accompany you as you accompany me. There won’t … ever be a day when we’re apart, alright?”
Jing He smiled and reached up, his hands gently touching Tian’s neck. “Yes. Let’s be together forever.”
In the cover of the night, his smile became even more beautiful and when Tian bent down to kiss him again his mind echoed with the words that he hadn’t dared to say aloud just now.
Let’s be together and never separate. Whether it’s in this life or the next. I will always … only love you. There will never be another man in my heart or at my side. There will only be you. Forever only you.
To that, I swear in Heaven’s name.


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