Jing Yi stared at Jinde, unsure of what to make of this. For a moment, he was completely frozen, unable to form a coherent thought. But even despite that, he already knew the answer. Deep down, he did, because there really wasn’t much to think about, was there?
He had gone through all of this for so long that he realized the implications of what Jinde said. Either way, while he wasn’t quite the same as Jing He in a lot of ways, he was his reincarnation and he was also the one currently carrying his soul. If he died, it would be almost the same as when Jing He died. And in a situation where Qiu Ling was already on the brink of insanity, he probably wouldn’t be able to take that. Yes, to his already confused mind, either death would push him over the edge.
Jing Yi closed his eyes and took a deep breath, slowly exhaling before he looked up at Jinde again. “That is to say, with what I did today, I completely doomed him, didn’t I? No matter what we do now, he will never be able to return to normal, while he? From now on, every day will be like this, wrought with danger for Qiu Ling’s life because he lost the ability to see reality for what it is, right? He might never be safe again without somebody to keep an eye on him at night, will he? And that is all my fault, am I right?” His gaze turned hard, daring Jinde to give him the answer he already expected. The one he was sure he would receive.
Jinde looked at him and, to be honest, he couldn’t find it in himself to lie. He wouldn’t have, even if Jing Yi didn’t look like he was prepared to hear this. “You already know so what need is there to ask me? But yes, you got that right. All of this is happening because you tried to kill the Son of Heaven.”
He did not apologize for saying so. No, Jing Yi had made his decision and he only regretted it now that he saw that it had actual consequences for himself because it influenced his lover this much. If he had managed to kill Jing He, if he had gotten away with it and he was the only surviving one and Qiu Ling would have to be with him, he wouldn’t have regretted it one bit.
Even though Jinde could somewhat understand why he was had done it, that didn’t mean that he felt that he was blameless. So no, there was no need to apologize. The only one who really deserved apologies here was Qiu Ling. Because the least in this specific matter, there wasn’t anything that he had done wrong and it was a pity that he had ended up in this condition. Actually, just thinking of what this had done to him, Jinde got angry.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying not to show his emotions. There was no use in arguing. Rather than that, they should try to be productive. “Let’s not talk about this. Things are as they are. We cannot change the past so lamenting what happened will not get us any further. Instead, we have to focus on trying to find a way to deal with this. I’m not sure if there is one but we shouldn’t give up before we haven’t tried everything we can.
“A lot of that will depend on Qiu Ling and how things are going forward. I do think you and your behavior will also play a role. Maybe there is a way to reassure him even subconsciously that Jing He is alright.”
Jing Yi nodded. “He wanted me to swear an oath that I would not try to hurt Jing He again. Do you think doing that would help?” He had only agreed because Qiu Ling promised to marry him in return but … this was about Qiu Ling’s life. And while he didn’t care about Jing He one bit, he cared a great deal about Qiu Ling. So if swearing this oath ahead of time would help, then he wouldn’t hesitate.
Jinde narrowed his eyes. “That might depend on what you swear. For example, you cannot swear this on your own life because it would remind him of the possibility of losing you. The question is what would make enough of an impression otherwise?”
Jinde fell silent for a moment but then shook his head. “In any case, you know what the worst case is now. Just keep that in mind for the future. I am sure there will be people to keep an eye on him but as his lover, you should also help as much as you can.”
“I will.” Jing Yi readily promised. He didn’t know what he could do but if there was anything, he would do it, no questions asked.
Jinde nodded and then got up. “Well, for now, try to think of something you can use for that oath. It’s not much but it might help a little. As for everything else, I will think it through and talk to Qiu Ling. Maybe there is something he noticed that can help us come up with an idea. It’s worth a try.”
Jing Yi nodded and watched the others leave. When the door closed behind them, he covered his face with his hands. Why? Just why had he been such an idiot? He never should have tried to kill Jing He. He had thought it could liberate him, to give him the life he wanted at Qiu Ling’s side, and he had also thought that as long as Jing He was gone forever, Qiu Ling would finally only see him. But instead, he had ruined everything, and now, he couldn’t help but wonder if he would also lose Qiu Ling.