<< previous chapter || next chapter >>
Su Yan read through the whole story again and only added a few sentences. When Yun Bei Fen hurried after Mei Chao Bing to ask what was wrong because he had misunderstood Yun Bei Fen reached out to him but the fabric of the sleeves just slipped through his hands. Then when they went to patrol the vicinity together he once again reached out, this time at least touching for a moment before being shrugged off.
The last of those incidents was when they entered the small pathway between the mountains. They had to walk close together to pass through there and their shoulders rubbed against each other from time to time. Even their hands met for a moment once.
Su Yan hesitated a while when he got to the part where Mei Chao Bing cared for the injured Yun Bei Fen. This was the perfect scene to add something. But wouldn’t it get too long then? The system had lifted the limit though. Ah, it shouldn’t be a problem. Encouraging himself, Su Yan started to flesh out the scene a bit more:
[Mei Chao Bing wrung out the rag before once again soaking it in the water and gently placing it on Yun Bei Fen’s brow. The younger disciple groaned in his sleep and tilted his head as if he wanted to make the cold sensation go away.
Mei Chao Bing’s heart throbbed seeing this. His Junior Martial Brother was obviously uncomfortable but even though two weeks had gone by already he was still afflicted with a slight fever. If they didn’t manage to cool him down soon, there might be lingering effects.
“Be good,” he murmured, bent down and kissed Yun Bei Fen’s hairline.
Surprisingly, Yun Bei Fen indeed calmed down. Not only that, he even reached out and grabbed onto the other’s sleeve. Mei Chao Bing smiled and tried to pry his fingers off but his Junior Martial Brother didn’t want to let go no matter what.
“Ah, then hold onto it. As long as you’re getting better soon. I really can’t take this waiting any longer.”
As if Yun Bei Fen had heard him in his sleep, he opened his eyes the next morning when the third week since the attack began.]
Su Yan smiled. This should do it. Actually, he felt like these weren’t just some little gestures, they were even quite the cute gestures. Did this count as a bit of a romantic scene?
He had a look at the last part of the story but couldn’t find anything to add. There were already some interactions between them that should get across how their relationship changed. Doing more would probably just divert the readers’ attention.
No, looking at it like this, there wasn’t anything to add. So, did this mean his revision was done?
Su Yan pursed his lips. Just to make sure he read the story a second time but he couldn’t detect any place where he could add anything and all three suggestions seemed to be implemented already.
So … he could probably have the system give another evaluation.
Su Yan clenched and unclenched his hands and copied the new version of the story. It had grown quite a bit longer because of his edits even though he hadn’t added a lot anywhere. It seemed several small changes could also have a big impact on a story.
He pasted the text into the space provided by the system and submitted it. The Lovely Writing System instantly started to review it, showing the familiar messages:
[Appraising skill level.]
Su Yan furrowed his brows. It seemed something was different? Where had the messages that told him that the system was finding problems and giving suggestions gone? Before he had a chance to think further on it, the System already showed the results:
Overall rating: 4,3/5
Evaluation: The host has managed to put his theoretical knowledge into practice and has written a story worth publishing. Now it is time to face up to your audience.]
Su Yan’s eyebrows leaped up. This … Was the system actually this satisfied with him?! This was the highest score he had ever gotten! And it even said he could face the audience with it!
It seemed writing about two men falling in love was much more rewarding than writing about a man and a woman. Mn, he should keep at it!
Su Yan watched the system open the front page again. Another task had popped up: [Losing your virginity]
Su Yan coughed, rubbed his eyes and read again: [Losing your virginity]
His face instantly turned beet-red and he slapped the notebook shut. The next moment, he already regretted it. Ah, his poor baby was innocent! It was all that damned system’s fault!
He stroked the top of his notebook to appease it. Inwardly, he still grumbled about the shamelessness of that thing. Sure enough, a tiger couldn’t change its stripes! Even though he had already compromised a lot it was still doing such shitty things!
He opened his notebook again and pointed an angry finger at the absurdity of a task. “My mother and I already talked about this and agreed that I should wait two weeks. Don’t think that I’ll go and sleep with Nie Chang now just because you want me to! Don’t get any funny ideas!”
He was scolding the thing loud enough that Nie Chang who had been sitting in the living room as cool as a cucumber was startled into a coughing fit. Had he just heard that right? Su Yan was scolding someone because that person tried to coerce him into having sex before those two weeks were up? Could it be that Zhi Bao Yu again?
He frowned. What was this woman trying to do? Making up for past mistakes? Well, not that he didn’t appreciate her trying but he didn’t want Su Yan to feel like he was forced into anything.
With that notion in mind, Nie Chang stood up and went into the kitchen. The scene he saw had him halt though. Su Yan actually wasn’t on the phone talking to someone. No, he was once again scolding his notebook. So … Who exactly had tried to have him change his mind?
<< previous chapter || next chapter >>