LWS V2C16 A Diamond in the Rough

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The system didn’t let him wait and got to work right away.
[Evaluating setting.]
[Evaluating characters.]
[Evaluating style.]
[Identifying problems.]
[Compiling suggestions for improvement.]
[Appraising skill level.]
[Organizing results.]
[Setting: 4/5
Characters: 4/5
Style: 3/5
Overall rating: 3,6/5
Evaluation: The host has managed to put part of his theoretical knowledge into practice. Please try implementing the following suggestions for improvement.
1) Reconsider the sequence of scenes. Especially a short story might benefit from a linear sequence of events without flashbacks or foreshadowing.
2) Add more description to make it easier for your readers to immerse themselves in the story. Pay special attention to the description of the characters.
3) Show the feelings of the main characters through their interactions. One little gesture might account for more than a hundred big words.]
Su Yan stared at the result without knowing if he should think it through or rage immediately. In the end, he stood up and ran into the living room, throwing himself at Nie Chang. Ah, it felt great having a boyfriend you could cry to!
“Ah Chang! The system is bullying me!”
Nie Chang lifted his hands and stared at the person that had thrown itself onto him. Was this really the same guy he had pursued for years? How come it felt like they had been together for weeks or months already even though they had just gotten together a few hours ago? This guy who had never understood his approaches was suddenly especially enthusiastic about their relationship. He had a bit of a problem getting used to it this fast.
“Uh … What did it do?” He patted Su Yan’s back and shifted around to prevent a repeat of what had happened before.
Su Yan clung to his shirt and looked up with a pitiful look in his eyes. “It says to add more description but it only gave me five thousand words!”
Nie Chang nodded thoughtfully. “You already wrote that much?”
“Yes!” Su Yan pursed his lips.
Nie Chang pondered. “And the limit you have for the revision is the same?”
“It … should be?”
“Have a look.”
Su Yan took out his phone and had a look at the system again. Naturally, the task for the revision had already been issued: [Polishing a rough diamond] read the title. Su Yan grimaced. Honestly? What kind of title was that? He went on to read the description, though.
[A story you’ve written is oftentimes like a rough diamond: You can see it’s sparkle but you know it could refract the light even more beautifully. To have your story make the readers’ eyes shine you should do a detailed revision in several steps that will make sure your story is the best possible version when you publish it.
Edit your first original story to make it shine before publishing.
Hint 1: Don’t try to revise everything in one go and rather make several attempts in which you edit one thing at a time. Start with the bigger changes and work toward small changes.
Hint 2: You may exceed the upper limit of 5000 words with your revised version.]
Su Yan had black lines running down his face. “How did you know?”
Nie Chang smiled. “Just a guess.”
“Ugh.” Su Yan flopped back onto Nie Chang’s chest and stared at the task. Had he known … Well, then again this might not be too bad. Without a limit, he might have written something really long. Now he wouldn’t have to edit as much and could still put in the things he would have liked to have.
He wanted to get up but Nie Chang’s arms circled his waist and held him in place.
“Heh! What do you think you’re doing?”
“I should be the one to ask that. You just came back from the hospital. It’s nice enough of me to let you write for so long. I certainly won’t let you go and edit that thing for the rest of the night.”
“Hah? But —”
“No but.” Nie Chang craned his neck and kissed Su Yan’s brow. “Come on, let’s go to bed. You can edit that tomorrow at work.”
Su Yan pursed his lips but he had to admit that Nie Chang wasn’t wrong. A look at the clock showed that it was already midnight. “Oh. Then I’ll go to bed.” He got up but Nie Chang grabbed his hand before he could go and turn his notebook off. “What?”
“What do you mean you’ll go to bed? I’m obviously going to come with you.” He grinned and stood up, too, pulling Su Yan into his arms. He bent down, his breath tickling Su Yan’s ear. “Or … do you have a problem with sharing a bed with me?”
Su Yan shuddered. This … This bastard! He hurriedly escaped out of his arms and covered his ear. “Can’t you talk normally?!” Then, he ran into the kitchen and hurriedly saved the document before turning the notebook off.
Uh, sharing his bed with Nie Chang … It shouldn’t be a problem. But he still felt giddy thinking about it. This wasn’t just having a friend sleep over anymore. This was spending the night with his boyfriend.
Su Yan went back to the door and stared at Nie Chang. “Ah Chang.”
“Mn?”
“What we said before … It still counts, right?”
Nie Chang smiled and came over, hugging him. “Naturally. I won’t do anything you don’t want. And now stop to put it off.” He jostled him toward the bedroom.
Su Yan just stood there and eyed Nie Chang warily. Somehow, he didn’t trust him right now. ‘I won’t do anything’ and ‘I won’t do anything you don’t want’ were two completely different things. What if that guy tried something and he couldn’t bring himself to reject it and they somehow had sex and then broke up in two weeks?
Nie Chang sighed. “Would you like me to sleep on the couch?”
“Hah? Why would you?”
“Because you’re looking as if I was going to eat you raw the next moment.”
“That … That’s bullshit. It’s not like we’ve never slept together before.”
“Exactly.” Nie Chang came over, grabbed Su Yan’s shirt and pulled it over his head.
“Heh! You … What —”
“I’m helping you or you’ll never get into bed today.” He reached for Su Yan’s pants but his boyfriend took a step back.
“I can do that alone!”
“Alright …” Nie Chang stopped looking and just stripped himself. He didn’t even wait for Su Yan before lying down. Ah, he’d just wait for him to come over himself.


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