Jinde’s brows furrowed, his thoughts turning in a similar direction. Leng Jin Yu had already regained his memories of his previous life and they had both grown up under the care of Longjun Gao Huan. Even though their Master had never wanted him to be king, they had still gotten the same education. Tian’s curse on the dragon race and all it brought in its wake had naturally been part of that. As a result, Jinde had absolutely no illusion that Tian was a good person who liked to help others.
He could tell himself that Tian had helped him as a favor to Xiang Yu or because Xin Lan had managed to offer him something he was interested in. But helping both him and Qiu Ling? Something was fishy here.
He looked at his husband worriedly, not sure what to think. Just what had Xin Lan offered? And what did Qiu Ling have to give in turn to receive Tian’s blessing? Could their family actually afford any of these things?
Neither of them knew and there was nobody around to ask. Tian had long since left and Xiang Yu … while he seemed familiar with the supreme sovereign, he also clearly had a biased view of him. They couldn’t quite trust his perception of what Tian would or wouldn’t do.
Leng Jin Yu gently squeezed Jinde’s hand. “Let’s wait for Xin Lan to return. Until then … just focus on the child.”
Jinde nodded and leaned into his husband’s arms, closing his eyes for a moment. He could still hardly believe everything that had happened so taking some time and coming to terms with it seemed like a good idea. Also, he didn’t know how much he had missed while in that state. Most likely, a long discussion with Leng Jin Yu was in order before he could return to life as usual. Well, as much as it could ever be the usual again.
Jinde’s brows furrowed when he thought of Jin Ling. Even though he had pulled himself out of that state after seeing the appearance of his future child, that didn’t mean that he wasn’t grieving his older child any longer. No, thinking of Jin Ling still hurt terribly. If he could have, he would have given anything to get him back. Unfortunately, it wasn’t possible. Even worse was that they had never managed to make up before Jin Ling’s death. This … he would probably never forgive himself for.
He had had good reason to stay away from Jin Ling. If he hadn’t, then the life he currently had with his husband at his side and a child on the way never would have been possible. Jin Ling simply wouldn’t have been able to accept any of it and would have tried to sabotage it at the side.
He knew that. And yet, he regretted not taking a step toward him when there had still been time. Who knew? Maybe they could have found a way to all have what they wanted. It couldn’t be that Jian Heng’s influence was so much bigger than his own even after his death, could it? But, well, he would never find out now because he hadn’t tried when he could and now, it was already too late.
Jinde bit his lower lip and tried not to think about it. He couldn’t change the past no matter how recent it was and he needed to keep his mind in the here and now to be there for his other children. He couldn’t get distracted by his grief.
Even though he told himself this, the hurt wasn’t any less. His fingers curled around the fabric of Leng Jin Yu’s robe and he simply lowered his head, not wanting to face his husband. He had just woken up from a state of ignorance. How could he let him see him like this now?
Leng Jin Yu sighed faintly and wrapped Jinde tightly in his arms. “It’s alright.” He could see that Jinde wasn’t doing well and he wasn’t surprised at all. Thankfully, he had never had to go through the same but thinking back to the guilt he had felt when he died as Chun Yin and left his only child behind, even needing him to kill Biao Han … well, he could imagine that Jinde wasn’t doing any better.
He hugged his husband tightly and glanced at the shell with their youngest child next to them. They had been looking forward to having this child but who could have guessed they would bring them into the world under such circumstances? He almost wished they had waited a little longer to do so but, of course, there had been no way to know beforehand what would happen.
He tried not to think about it and just rubbed Jinde’s back comfortingly. “It’s going to be alright.” Even if they couldn’t get Jin Ling back, their family would survive this.
Jinde shook his head. “I’m sorry. I … I know I shouldn’t be like this.”
Leng Jin Yu shook his head as well. “What nonsense? I know it’s not easy. You can take all the time you need. Anyway … we’re a family. What is there that we can’t face together?”
Jinde raised his head and looked at his husband, his expression complicated. “You haven’t asked.”
He didn’t say what but it was clear enough. After seeing Jin Ling, there was simply no way for Leng Jin Yu not to realize the truth. At this point, he should have had a lot of questions. And yet, not a single one had been asked.
Leng Jin Yu could only sigh again. What was there still to ask? It was all in the past. His life as Chun Yin was, whatever had happened with the demon king, and now, even Jin Ling’s life. Of course, that didn’t mean that he didn’t still want to know and be it just because he wanted to know about that time in his husband’s life he hadn’t experienced together with him. “I guess … I believe you’ll tell me when you’re ready.”