SML V4C7 He Had Had a Part in It

The next thirty days seemed to pass by in the blink of an eye. After walking in and handing over his resignation letter and having yet another talk with Boss Mo about how he was sorry to lose him, it was always just getting up, going to work, doing his shift for the day, then going home again, then repeating the same process the next day.

For all those thirty days, he didn’t see Mo Fang even once. He couldn’t help but feel a little unaccustomed to it, seeing as he had previously tried to avoid him without much luck. He wasn’t sure if it was because he had talked to Mo Fang or if Boss Mo had given his son a stern talking to about respecting other people’s boundaries for once but this was probably what he had asked for, right?

When he finished up his last shift at the railroad station, Li Ming sighed to himself. He also wasn’t sure why this was his last thought here. It just seemed kind of wrong. But then again, his experience of working here had been a little overshadowed by his personal problems this year. And he couldn’t deny that this was a big part of why he had resigned in the first place so it wasn’t too surprising either that he would still dwell on it now that he was leaving.

Li Ming took the last things from his locker and put them in his bag, taking a moment to stare into the empty room that had been his for so long. Something he had done for a few years was over, pretty suddenly at that. If somebody had asked him a few months ago or maybe last year whether he could imagine leaving his job, he definitely would’ve said no. But now, it really seemed to be the best decision.

He closed the locker and slung the bag over his shoulder, turning around to take yet another look around the changing room.

He should probably invite the others out to bid farewell in style and he would certainly do so. He’d wait for the weekend though. Right now, it was the middle of the week so it didn’t seem quite appropriate. In any case, it wasn’t like they would lose contact immediately. Well, other than he and Mo Fang probably. Not that he intended to invite him as well. That … would be too awkward.

Li Ming sighed and then left the changing room, making his way out of the station for the last time.

When he had reached the entrance, he couldn’t help but turn back and look at the building again. It wasn’t like he would never come here again. But in the future, when he did, it would just be as a passenger, not as a security guard working there anymore.

It really was a bittersweet goodbye. And even though he knew that he was making the right decision, he couldn’t help that there was a little bit of doubt. But anyway, as soon as he found something new and actually started there so that he could see how it was, his nervousness would probably get better.

In any case, he felt like he was a pretty likable guy. And he was hard-working enough so he probably wouldn’t make trouble even if it would be difficult to get used to his new tasks at first.

Encouraging himself, Li Ming finally nodded to himself and then turned around, slowly walking to his apartment.

From this moment on, he was without a job so it wasn’t like he needed to rush. Walking around for a bit would probably also help him clear his head. That was something he really needed to do.

Yes, from now on, he first ad to spend some time on himself and then get into things in a different way than he had before. He was sure that he could do it. It might be an adjustment but it would be possible.

Looking around the familiar streets, Li Ming couldn’t help but think of Mo Fang again though. They had often walked here together. Whether that was on the way to work, on the way back home, or even on one of their dates. To now be alone felt a little strange even though he had already been doing this for three months.

He really didn’t know how it had happened that — in just a short few short weeks — Mo Fang had completely taken over his life to the point where it was suddenly strange to be alone again. Hadn’t he been single for years before he and Mo Fang got together? But somehow, Mo Fang was able to take up such a big part in his life that it really felt weird now.

Well, there would be somebody else in the future. Somebody who would be a better fit for him. Although part of this was probably also his own attitude.

In the last thirty days, Li Ming hadn’t been able to help but think about their relationship some more. How it had started, how it had progressed in those weeks, and how it had finally ended. And while yes, most of it was because Mo Fang had lied over and over again to him, he did have some part in it himself.

Originally, he hadn’t wanted to be in a relationship. He hadn’t been ready. He had still been hung up over Su Yan and he had still felt guilty. Mo Fang had helped him get over some of that. And even though things had turned out like this between them, that was something he would always be thankful for. But at the end of the day, he probably hadn’t been ready for a relationship and that fact had probably aggravated the problems that he and Mo Fang had had.

Then, he clearly wasn’t confrontational enough. When things finally came to a head, he had been incredibly anxious. He had hardly been able to have that original talk with Mo Fang and he hadn’t been able to press on when he should. And even before that, he had evaded responsibility.

Clearly, he had seen that there was something up. So why — when it originally happened — hadn’t he had that talk with him already? Why hadn’t he told him clearly that honesty was important to him, that he didn’t need to lie to him to be together? They should have had that conversation much earlier.

If they did … He wasn’t sure if it would have changed anything. In any case, a person that was willing to lie to this degree probably wasn’t somebody he wanted to be with. And if Mo Fang was willing to lie before he said something, he would probably still be willing to do it afterward. He might’ve just been even sneakier about it.

But still, he should’ve said something. He shouldn’t have just passively waited things out. That was his problem. And it was something that he had to work on if he wanted his next relationship to work out.

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