Jinde couldn’t help but feel sympathetic. Even if he had realized that he would definitely take living with Leng Jin Yu over being with Chun Yin again by now, that didn’t mean that he didn’t have any feelings for his lover’s past life. To see him this way naturally hurt. “It wasn’t just you. And Qiu Ling knows that as well. There were … circumstances. And I make mistakes as well. There is no denying that.”
Chun Yin shook his head. “Even if you’ve made mistakes, I’m afraid it can’t be compared to the ones that I made. At the end of the day, it was my decisions that led to this outcome. You don’t have to try and take some of the responsibility. In any case, it can’t be changed anymore. Just let me bear it.”
Jinde shook his head. “What is that going to accomplish? Aren’t you just going to burden my current husband with that? It’s the truth. While your decision might’ve been what finally decided the outcome, I would’ve had chances in-between. If I spoke with you, if I wasn’t scared of being rejected, if I made my feelings completely clear instead of just hinting and hinting, maybe things would have been different.”
Chun Yin shook his head. “I doubt that would’ve been the case. There was another person in my ear telling me that it was wrong. I guess if we want to blame someone, we should blame our Master.” He shook his head again. “To be honest, no matter how I think about it, I still don’t understand it. He shouldn’t have had a reason. We were … very close. And clearly, we were quite compatible as well. You being more gifted with your magic and refinement, I being better at fighting, we would’ve made a great team. I really can’t see a reason as for why he wouldn’t have wanted that to happen.”
Jinde sighed. “Well, we will never find out. While we have the chance to speak about it, Master has also long been dead. It seems that the answers I wanted … can’t be had after all.” He sighed and then shook his head. “Well, whatever. What I wanted to know, you’ve told me now. What about you? You’ve asked about Qiu Ling. Do you want to know more about him?”
Chun Yin gave Jinde a look. To be honest, there were many things that he wanted to know. It might not change anything anymore and in a few hours, everything might be over anyway but he just wanted to give it a try. “To be honest, since there are some hours left, I would like to go and see him later on. I don’t know if you’d mind.”
Jinde shook his head. “Why would I mind that? He is your son. Since you’re back for a short while, you should definitely spend some time with him. If he found out that you were here but hadn’t, I’m afraid he would feel betrayed.”
Chun Yin nodded. “I definitely owe him that much. Also … I do want to see how he has turned out. It’s a pity I won’t be able to meet his lover.”
Jinde couldn’t help but feel for him. Yes, there was no way to really catch up whether that was with him or with Qiu Ling. A few hours were just too short. There were too many things that he would miss out on. Even though he could go and see Qiu Ling at least, with the trial going on, there was no way to see his actual partner. Not even Jinde had met him so far. At most, they could meet the child that he had reincarnated into for the time being. Whether that would be a good thing or not … it was hard to say.
“Well, do you want to go over immediately?” He could imagine that Chun Yin was looking forward to seeing his son. While meeting him was probably good, his child was probably the one he felt even more sorry toward. It wouldn’t be a wonder if he wanted some more time to make up for that.
Chun Yin shook his head though. “There are a few hours left. I … I know there isn’t much time overall. I would like to spend a bit more time with just the two of us. If that’s alright I mean.”
Jinde nodded. “Of course.” Even though he had some grievances, he also wasn’t the type of person that would refuse a dying man’s wishes. Especially not if that man happened to be his first love. If he could, he wanted Chun Yin to die without regret. Since he was unable to give him that, he would at least try to reduce the number of things that he regretted.
The two of them looked at each other, being able to see the other’s thoughts plainly in their eyes.
Chun Yin smiled faintly. “It must’ve been a long time but you actually hardly changed. I can’t say I’m not surprised.”
Jinde shook his head. “No, I have changed quite a lot. It is just that I’m still the same person. After knowing each other that well, I guess there isn’t much that could surprise us.”
Chun Yin nodded. “I guess that is true as well. Well, it’s not a bad thing. I guess if you keep on living, you will have to change sooner or later. Even if it isn’t by much, there’s still a few things that can’t stay the same.”
Jinde looked away, not quite sure what to say to that. These words just reminded him of the fact that Chun Yin naturally hadn’t changed because he hadn’t been in this world for all this time. It was an ugly reminder of the fact that he had long been dead.
Chun Yin lightly shook his head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. You … Would you mind if I hug you?”
When Jinde looked up, his gaze was a little pleading. For a moment, Jinde didn’t know what to do but finally, he got up and walked over, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to him.
They looked at each other and Chun Yin finally reached out, pulling him into his arms, embracing him tightly.