Speaking of which … Jing Yi turned to look at Qiu Ling, a faint smile on his lips. “I’m actually really curious. Do you think I could go and see him?”
Qiu Ling raised his brows, not quite understanding what he meant. “Him? Who?”
“Jing He, of course. I mean I do remember some things but it’s a little strange. I would like to go to his place and have a look at him. That should be possible, right?”
Qiu Ling actually wasn’t quite sure of that. In fact, thinking about it made him feel anxious. Something told him that it really wouldn’t be good to have Jing Yi get too close to Jing He. He also didn’t know why.
At the end of the day, the two of them were the same person. There shouldn’t be any problem, right? But still, somehow, he felt like Jing He would be disturbed if that happened.
He didn’t want that. His beloved … he should be able to sleep peacefully until his trial was over. Only then … But on the other hand, he also felt incredibly guilty toward Jing Yi because he had refused to marry him. He couldn’t always choose Jing He over him, could he? And this wish was innocent enough. He had no real reason to refuse him, just this vague feeling that he couldn’t rationalize. After all, Jing He’s body was without a soul right now. He wouldn’t notice anything happening around him.
Qiu Ling gulped, and could finally only push the blame to somebody else. “Well, I don’t know. I guess we’ll have to see what Jing He’s family thinks of that.”
Jing Yi wasn’t that easily deterred though. “But aren’t you his fiance? You should have a say in that, right?”
Qiu Ling cleared his throat and leaned back, hoping that he could somehow change the subject. Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy. “Well, he did promise to marry me. But it isn’t as if he had had a talk with his father yet. So, officially, the two of us aren’t really engaged.”
Jing Yi gave a hum, clearly not quite satisfied. “But you also just went to visit him when you felt like it, didn’t you? And I’m sure that Jing He’s mother wouldn’t mind.”
“Probably. Well, anyway, it’s not time yet. Let’s just … give it time. I mean you haven’t even ascended yet. We’ll see about it when you have.”
Jing Yi gave him a long look, clearly feeling that Qiu Ling just wasn’t willing to say yes. He couldn’t help but be unhappy with that. But it wasn’t like they hadn’t had such situations before already.
When it came to choosing between him and Jing He … Qiu Ling would always choose Jing He. Whether it was about marrying him or about whether he would be allowed to learn how to use a sword, or going to see Jing He, he would always pick Jing He’s side. There was just no way around it.
But the more Qiu Ling was like this, the more he felt that he didn’t want to give in this time. The marriage, he could understand. Not learning how to use a sword, he could still somewhat understand. But this? He should at least be able to go and have a look at the person who had stolen his lover from him, shouldn’t he? At least this much should be allowed. He would not always accept a no. His wishes were just as valid as Jing He’s.
Jing Yi’s gaze darkened slightly when he thought about it but he forced himself to restore his previous expression again and then leaned closer to Qiu Ling, resting his cheek on his chest. “You’re right. It’s too early to talk about it. I’ll just focus on cultivating more and then when I ascend, we can revisit the question.” And he certainly would. He definitely wouldn’t let Qiu Ling keep finding excuses.
Qiu Ling gave a hum and nodded and then reached up to brush through Jing Yi’s hair. Speaking of visiting Jing He … Ah, Heaven, he also felt like doing it. It had been so, so, so many years since he last saw him. He really missed him. Just being able to take a look at him … It would already be worth a lot.
Noticing that his thoughts were drifting into that direction again, Qiu Ling hurriedly shook his head and then slightly turned, pulling Jing Yi into his arms. For as long as Jing Yi was alive, he could not allow himself to be like this. It was bad enough that he didn’t marry him. He couldn’t think of Jing He all the time while he was with him. He just couldn’t. That would be needlessly hurting him.
Jing Yi smiled when Qiu Ling hugged him, feeling happy that his lover was still paying attention to him. To be honest, it was actually his greatest fear that Qiu Ling would stop caring about him when he finally ascended.
While he was looking forward to it, and while he had tirelessly worked toward that goal, he still was unsure about how everything would pan out. What if after he arrived there, after he became an ascended deity, Qiu Ling would finally realize that he did not want to wait any longer for Jing He to wake up?
Until he arrived in the Nine Heavens and actually saw Qiu Ling defending him against Jing He’s family or whoever else wanted to make trouble, he would likely not be able to put that worry down. But being hugged by him after having this conversation already made him feel at least a little better. He wished that every day could be like this. And that soon, he would not need to worry anymore.