Jing Yi was indeed very impressed by that. Helping people — that was exactly the reason he wanted to become a cultivator. And now, he actually found out that Qiu Ling had been doing that since long ago! It gave him hope for the future and it also made him look at Qiu Ling in a slightly different light.
Yes, for the most part, he had gotten to know Qiu Ling as a slightly frivolous person. Although he was helping him, that was always tied to his wish of marrying him as well.
But hearing that he had also helped people without such a reason motivating him … Jing Yi couldn’t deny that he was impressed. His eyes sparkled with admiration and he grabbed Qiu Ling’s arm. “You must have done a lot of good deeds.”
“Well, I tried.” Seeing this reaction, Qiu Ling felt a bit uneasy. After all, he was very clear about the fact that Jing Yi obviously thought of something else than what had really happened. Causing him to have a slightly better opinion of him was one thing but … such a change? He felt that he might have gone a bit too far.
Especially since his ‘help’ hadn’t been that helpful to the people in question. Never mind that he had made problems for Jing He’s mortal reincarnation and Jing He himself with everything he did, he also hadn’t been able to save Mister Zhong.
The former had been because he didn’t know enough about his beloved’s race and because he didn’t control his emotions. As for the latter … It was solely because he was an idiot.
Because of some small thing that had happened while his beloved couldn’t remember a thing and was furthermore a child he had gotten so depressed that he actually fled back to the Nine Heavens and stayed there for a whole night. If he hadn’t done that, if he had stayed in the human realm, then maybe the mortal father of his beloved could still be alive.
That was something he had felt sorry for since a long time ago. He had never had the opportunity to apologize. Maybe now would be a good chance to do so.
Qiu Ling stopped and pulled Jing Yi into his embrace, burying his head in the crook of his neck and taking a deep breath. This time, he wasn’t thinking of taking advantage of him. This time, he could only think of how devastated his beloved must have been that day. But not only had there been nobody to help, there hadn’t been anybody to comfort him either. “I’m sorry.”
“Why would you?” Jing Yi tried to look up at his face but Qiu Ling’s hair was blocking the view. Jing Yi didn’t need to look though. He understood even without that. There was such a desolate aura around him right now that one didn’t need to be a cultivator to pick up on it. Jing Yi reached up and silently rubbed Qiu Ling’s back. “Whatever it is I’m sure it’ll be alright.”
Qiu Ling shook his head. “It won’t. It will never be alright. It’s all my fault.” It seemed he really was destined to destroy whatever he held dear.
Qiu Ling hugged his beloved even closer. No! No, he wouldn’t stand for it. He could lose everything but not this person. Whatever happened, he would keep him safe. That curse or whatever it wouldn’t come true.
“Qiu Ling?” Jing Yi was close enough to feel Qiu Ling’s quickening heartbeat and hear his ragged breath. He didn’t understand what was going on but he could at least feel that something was wrong. Qiu Ling really seemed to be panicking right now.
Did I say something wrong? He thought back to what he said and then to Qiu Ling’s answer. It seemed something had gone wrong sometime. And Qiu Ling probably felt guilty about it. Mn, this man was indeed a good person. He cared deeply about others.
“Qiu Ling, it’s alright. You can’t save everyone. Whatever happened … it wasn’t your fault. Sometimes, things are just fated to be.”
Qiu Ling took a deep breath and tried to get his emotions under control again. He didn’t want his beloved to see this side of him. He definitely didn’t.
Only when he had calmed down a bit, did he raise his head and cup Jing Yi’s cheeks, gently rubbing his skin. “You don’t understand. I really am sorry. Back then … You don’t know but I already saw you in the capital already, not just in the Yun Zou Sect. And I can’t help but think that … if I had come to the capital a bit sooner, then … then your father might still be alive.
“You should fault me for that. But … I won’t let anything like that ever happen again. I swear I’ll keep you safe. Nothing will happen to you. You’re the most important person in my life.” He didn’t wait for an answer. He just bent down and kissed him. It wasn’t a sweet kiss though.
Jing Yi somehow felt like crying at that moment. Not because he was imagining that Qiu Ling was right and that his father might still be there if Qiu Ling had lent a hand back then. No, his heart was heavy because of Qiu Ling himself.
Contrary to what Qiu Ling thought, he had already known about it since his mother mentioned it. But even though … Hearing what Qiu Ling just said broke his heart.
Somebody you’ve seen five years ago for a short while and who you’ve spoken to for the first time just some weeks ago is your most important person? Qiu Ling, just what kind of life did you lead until now?
He didn’t dare to ask but he noted the question down in his heart. There would certainly be a lot to speak about. For now, he just had to comfort him.
Jing Yi didn’t need to think twice to figure out how to do that. He wrapped his arms around Qiu Ling’s neck and kissed him back. And indeed, whatever had plagued Qiu Ling until now, he threw it out of his mind.
He forgave me. He actually forgave me! And in his head, he tried to imagine that his Jing He in the Nine Heavens would forgive him just the same should he ever find the courage to confess all his dark secrets to him.