Qiu Ling left the realm after helping Leng Jin Yu complete the palace. He had filled in what Leng Jin Yu couldn’t remember about it, trying to stay as true to the way it had been back when he had lived there with his parents, including some of the details that had been changed since then.
He couldn’t help but be surprised just how clear those memories still were. It was as if it hadn’t been thousands of years since then but only a few days or weeks. It truly made him feel odd. He had always thought that … the past was long in the past and didn’t hold much for him anymore other than the danger of being outed as someone with mixed blood. To think he hadn’t already forgotten about it …
Qiu Ling sighed and returned to the bamboo hut in a complicated mood. He stopped right in the doorway, looking at Jing Yi who was sitting on the bed and cultivating. His beloved didn’t even look up. He was completely immersed in the task at hand as if he couldn’t wait to reach the next stage and the one after that until he could finally ascend.
Qiu Ling barely held back another sigh. He should probably be touched that Jing Yi did so much just to be with him. That was … it wasn’t something everybody could say for their lovers, was it? After all, this was a decision for his whole life that Jing Yi made just for him. Thinking about it like that … He really would’ve liked to go back in time before he knew what all of this really meant. It had been so much easier to deal with the situation then. He had actually been really happy.
Qiu Ling walked over and sat down next to Jing Yi, examining his face once again. He had done that a lot today. Maybe even more often than he had in the time before. And that even though he had accompanied Jing Yi for most of his life.
He had probably only ever seen Jing He in him. His feelings … Could they even be called sincere? He did feel that he loved him but … that depended on Jing He. It was his soul. The person he had fallen in love with was Jing He and he had followed him because of Jing He.
In a sense, it had nothing to do with Jing Yi if he really wanted to see them as separate people. Then again, they weren’t separate at all. This was still the same soul. Ah, this was really what made the matter so difficult. There was no real difference. There was only one created by the trial. But still, he couldn’t pretend that it wasn’t there either. Just thinking of the memories that he had with only Jing He or only with Jing Yi … Wasn’t it obvious that there was a difference? Two separate lives … In the end, that really was what they were. As much as he would have liked it to be different.
All of this might not have been a problem if he was just able to go and talk to Jing He right now. If just for a few hours, they could change back and he could explain to Jing He, talk about this with him, then it would be alright. Unfortunately, that was impossible. Jing He would only open his eyes after Jing Yi’s death. And when that didn’t happen …
Qiu Ling sighed. Be that as it may, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. No, it was indeed as he had thought before: He had to let matters go. He would just wait and see how things went. He would try not to get involved too much. There were hundreds of things that could go wrong in human life. When it happened, he would hold back. It would hurt but it would be much better than devising some plan to do anything by himself. No, he couldn’t plot against his beloved like that. He just couldn’t. He wasn’t that type of person.
And Jing He should understand if he told him. After all, Jing He already knew him quite well, didn’t he? He would know that he would never be able to do anything to him. This was also proof of his love in a sense, wasn’t it?
In that case, he had probably found his answer. He just had to stick to this decision now and see where it would lead them. Maybe something would happen on Jing Yi’s way to ascension, maybe nothing would happen but ascension itself wouldn’t go well. Or maybe he would be able to ascend but the gods would manage to surprise him afterward so he would be killed there. Whenever something came up, he would have to turn a blind eye. There was no other way to deal with this. At least not in a way that he could live with. This was the only way.
Qiu Ling also sat down in the lotus position and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. Since his beloved was cultivating, then he could also meditate for a bit. It wouldn’t really help him with anything but maybe in that way, he would be able to shut out all these useless thoughts. That would certainly be better. He just shouldn’t think about it. He would pretend he didn’t know anything. Sooner or later, he might be able to convince himself. That was really everything he could hope for.