Jing Yi raised his brows. He couldn’t understand that last part once again but he decided to keep quiet about it. He should just let Qiu Ling explain in his own tempo.
Anyway, if he asked random questions at the side, it would only detract from the main question: Just how had his parents finally died? And why would he have anything to do with it? So, it was better not to say anything or he might never get the full story.
It turned out that Jing Yi was exactly right. With him keeping quiet, Qiu Ling wasn’t side-tracked at all and just continued to explain. “Her second motif was probably to spy on him. My father knew a lot and all those things he told her in good faith were certainly used adequately.”
This time, Jing Yi couldn’t keep quiet. “Your mother … She certainly wouldn’t have spied for herself, would she?”
Qiu Ling smiled. “Naturally. That’s the thing you’re wrong about: She never loved him. In fact, just like him she already loved somebody else when she married my father.” Qiu Ling snorted again and shook his head. “My father was at least drunk. What’s her excuse? She willingly got married and pregnant for that guy, living with someone she deeply hated for so many years. She even raised that child!”
“She … she was your mother. She probably loved you, even though she couldn’t love your father.” Jing Yi gently stroked Qiu Ling’s cheek, trying to placate him but Qiu Ling only smiled wryly.
“Oh, yes, she did. After she had killed my father, she actually suggested to bring me back to live with that other man. She most likely never would have thought …” His gaze grew distant when he remembered that day and his breath hitched.
That day. He had wanted to forget it. More than anything else he wanted to forget the things he had seen and done. Why were the memories still so vivid after all those years? Why couldn’t he just bury all of them deep down in his heart?
Was it that the harder he was trying to forget, the more they would be etched into his mind? But how to let go of something that had the power to change his life forever? He just … wished that all of it wasn’t true. Unfortunately, he could not change the past.
Qiu Ling sighed. Since he had resolved himself to tell Jing Yi, he shouldn’t delay any further. “She stood there, just one mere step away from him while that bloody dagger was still in her hands. A few drops were sliding down the blade, finally falling to the ground that had already been dyed red.
“She had turned her back to me so I couldn’t see her face but I saw his. He looked … utterly defeated. Not because he was going to die but because at that moment, he finally understood that he had thrown away the life he could have had. The life he truly wanted.
“He had wasted the precious time that he could have had with his true love on a person that hated his guts and whom he didn’t love at all. He gave up on the person he had wanted to marry originally. And thanks to the fact that he had let his guard down around her, he couldn’t even live to crawl back to that person and ask for his forgiveness. He would die without that person ever knowing.”
Qiu Ling snorted and shook his head. “I feel like that person would have forgiven him. If he told him, honestly told him, how much he had missed him in all those years and how much he regretted what he did, then he would have taken him back. His feelings were strong enough for that.”
It was a no-brainer. He had just needed to take one look into Jinde’s eyes when the old geezer talked about his father and he knew at once that that guy still loved him deeply. Despite tens of thousands of years passing, those feelings were still there.
Had it been back then … could there have been a way for him to say no? He doubted it. There was no way Jinde’s anger could have burned brighter than his love. Most likely he had even staged his death and come to the Yun Zou Sect to recuperate and wait for that guy to be reincarnated. He just was that kind of hopeless fool. No matter how often his father disappointed him, he would still wait for him, still hold onto that hope that one day, their love could somehow come to fruition. How … utterly stupid.
Qiu Ling closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his throat somehow constricting when he thought of Jinde’s gaze while talking about his father. If that was him and Jing He …
He took a shaky breath and pushed the thought away. No, they would never get themselves into that situation. After spending so much time to finally get together, they couldn’t be separated that easily. They were stronger than that.
He focused on what he was telling Jing Yi again and continued. “The person my father loved … His identity was quite special. If my mother succeeded, he most likely would have been harmed. So, the last thing he did in his life was to make sure that that would never happen.
“He turned toward me and gave me a look. His gaze was piercing, unlike anything I had ever seen from him. I felt as if …” He gulped and took a quick breath, trying not to get sucked into these memories. “I felt as if I could understand what he wanted without words.
“My father probably didn’t think it was enough though. Even though he should have feared that she noticed, he forced himself to mouth a few words at least, giving me the answer to the question of why she would have done that.”
He did not specify. Unfortunately, he could not do so without putting Jing He’s trial in jeopardy. But he would certainly tell Jing He when it was time. The answers, that secret he had always been carrying around with him … it was about time to make it come to light.