Making his decision, Qiu Ling hugged Jing Yi to his chest and closed his eyes once again, silently sighing. He had to do this, he understood as much now. But that didn’t mean that it was easy. If he could, he still would have chosen another way. But alas, there wasn’t one.
No, if he wanted to reunite with Jing He in the future, he had to leave his inner self so he had to give in. He had to trust in himself, in Jing He, and the love that they had found.
Qiu Ling lightly tugged at Jing Yi’s hand and pulled him to one of the tables, sitting down and holding him on his lap. He gently wrapped him in his arms before leaning forward and touching his forehead to Jing Yi’s. “You want to know who he is, don’t you?”
Jing Yi couldn’t deny it. Naturally, he wanted to find out, to get some closure. But he could also see that this was hurting Qiu Ling. “You … don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
Qiu Ling shook his head. “I’ll tell you. As much as I can. There are some things I am unable to say though.” Actually, he would have loved to tell Jing Yi that this was him in another life, that he had actually followed him because he loved him so much. That he always had been and would always be his most important person.
But he was afraid that it might interfere with Jing He’s trial. After all, he was supposed to face some hardships. Maybe being confronted with the fact that the person he loved had been very much in love with somebody else before counted as that? He didn’t want to risk screwing up one of Jing He’s trials again. After all, he still clearly remembered his mother-in-law’s warning.
Jing Yi waited for Qiu Ling to sort out his thoughts. His heart was beating madly. He didn’t need to know everything. It was more than enough that Qiu Ling was willing to share a bit with him. After all, he was sure that he hadn’t been prepared for that before. So, that must mean that he had just made up his mind to do so. He felt honored to actually be able to receive that much of his trust.
Qiu Ling sighed and raised his brows. He really didn’t know how to explain this without leaving too much out or risking to say too much. This was harder than he had imagined. After a while, he finally looked back up at Jing Yi. “Let me answer your other question first.”
“Huh?” Jing Yi’s gaze turned questioning. He couldn’t even remember what other question he had posed. The only thing still present in his mind was that beautiful young man Qiu Ling had looked at so intently.
Qiu Ling smiled. “You wanted to know what happened to my parents, didn’t you?”
Jing Yi nodded. Right, now that Qiu Ling mentioned it, he had indeed asked him about that before coming to this place. Qiu Ling had rejected telling him anything though. “But you don’t have to —”
“It’s alright. Actually, I’ll have to tell you about this to explain everything else.” Yes, that was most likely the best way to go about it. After all, this was where the issue had started.
“Oh.” Jing Yi only had the vague feeling that all this was more complicated than he had imagined in the beginning. No wonder, he hadn’t been able to figure out what the reason for Qiu Ling being trapped here was.
“I don’t know how much you’ve seen there.”
“I’ve seen that hut and … both of them.” He gripped Qiu Ling’s hand and gently caressed it. “It must have been hard losing them. I really can’t imagine what kind of person would be able to do something like that. Especially your mother …” Jing Yi paled just remembering it. “I’m so sorry. I hope you … you didn’t have to see that. It must have been terri—”
A hand clasped over his mouth and stopped all of the comforting words he had wanted to say. Jing Yi widened his eyes, unable to comprehend what was going on. He could see that something was wrong though. Qiu Ling’s expression wasn’t good. His lips kept twitching.
Qiu Ling slowly lowered his hand and grabbed Jing Yi around the waist, looking into the distance.
Jing Yi waited but when Qiu Ling didn’t bother to start explaining he couldn’t keep quiet anymore. “What is it, Qiu Ling? Didn’t you … want to explain?”
“Yes. Just … give me a moment to pretend I didn’t hear what you said just now.”
Jing Yi blinked. That didn’t make any sense. He didn’t know what to say though. Most likely, it was best to keep quiet. It probably wasn’t easy to talk about his parents’ death. He should just wait for Qiu Ling to prepare himself.
Jing Yi leaned against Qiu Ling’s chest, borrowed his head at Qiu Ling’s shoulder, and lightly rubbed over that familiar black robe. Mn, he really couldn’t understand anymore why he had reacted like that earlier. He felt like he had been throwing a tantrum. Wasn’t everything well with Qiu Ling? It really felt good lying in his arms like this. He felt secure right now as if nothing could ever happen to him.
Qiu Ling gulped. Forget trying to pretend that he hadn’t heard a word of what Jing Yi said just now, all of his thoughts were flying away right now! “My love …”, he choked out these two words, his voice hoarse.
“Did you figure out how to tell me?” Jing Yi looked up at him with oblivious eyes.
Qiu Ling gave a strained smile. Could he get mad for being seduced and then reminded that he was originally going to confess something? He bent down and gave Jing Yi a hasty kiss. “Let’s continue that later.”
“Hah? But you —”
Qiu Ling cleared his throat and looked away to make sure he wouldn’t be distracted again. “About the death of my parents …”
Jing Yi grew quiet when he noticed that Qiu Ling had meant to continue the kiss later and was actually prepared to tell him. He didn’t even dare to nod to show that he agreed, fearing that it would make Qiu Ling pull back again.
“It’s not what you’ve imagined.”
Jing Yi’s eyes widened slightly but he still didn’t dare to even breathe a little louder.
Qiu Ling sighed. “You probably thought they had some sort of … honorable death protecting their family or something like that, didn’t you?” He looked at Jing Yi with a deadpan expression.
Jing Yi wasn’t sure how he should react. Of course, he had thought exactly that but he somehow felt like it wouldn’t be good to admit that.
Qiu Ling gently caressed his cheek. “It’s alright. You don’t have to say anything. Most likely, everyone would think that. The truth …” He shook his head and sighed. “The one who killed my father was that mother of mine. And the one who cruelly slaughtered my mother …” He gave Jing Yi another smile and tightened his grip on him to make sure he wouldn’t run away.
“That was me.”