Leng Jin Yu felt like sighing when that thought occurred to him. Actually, he shouldn’t be surprised that Jinde hadn’t said anything and even tried to keep this hidden. After all, wasn’t he doing the same?
Chun Yin hadn’t told Jinde the truth and he was willing to keep it silent as well because he was afraid he would hurt Jinde otherwise. That was likely the reason why Jinde hadn’t told him about Jin Ling either.
Jinde had always wanted a child. While he and Chun Yin hadn’t talked about it in detail, Jinde’s wish for a family had shone through often enough. And after Qiu Ling was born, he had been able to put aside the hurt he felt over Chun Yin’s betrayal and treat that child like his own.
So Jinde wanting a child wouldn’t have been news to Chun Yin and naturally wasn’t to him who had had more in-depth talks about the topic with him. But the way of going about having that child was naturally more tricky. Of course, Jinde could adopt one. Knowing Jinde, he wouldn’t love that child any less. The way he treated the children around him — or even the perceived children like Xiang Yu — was proof enough of that. But then, at that point, it likely hadn’t only been about having the child.
Leng Jin Yu tried to imagine how Jinde must have felt at that time: His lover had betrayed him. Not only had he slept with him twice without acknowledging their relationship status afterward, he had also been with a woman that he did acknowledge. Then, he made the dream that Jinde had had since long ago come true with her.
Biao Han got the man and the child Jinde wanted and even though he couldn’t say for sure, he didn’t doubt that she had rubbed that in Jinde’s face whenever Chun Yin wasn’t around. Otherwise, a person like Jinde wouldn’t have completely broken with Chun Yin but would have tried to make it work.
So when Chun Yin and the child were gone and Jinde remained alone, none of the previous suitors available anymore, and the dream of his own family crushed … he might have wanted more. Yes, when the opportunity arose to have pretty much exactly what Biao Han had had, he might have wanted to give it a try. Not to mention … he might have felt insecure.
Leng Jin Yu looked to where Qiu Ling was still battling the demons, his brows furrowing. Jinde and Chun Yin had grown up together. Their Master had also pushed them to be together from early on, insinuating over and over again that they would make a perfect couple.
For Jinde who had fallen in love with Chun Yin at a young age, this naturally reinforced his idea of the perfect future. Chun Yin hadn’t cared much. He hadn’t fallen in love with Jinde that early. In fact, it had taken until he had almost come of age. But then, after he requited Jinde’s feelings and showed as much, that was once again strengthening Jinde’s belief that they would one day be together.
For his whole life, Jinde had been led to believe that he would become Chun Yin’s spouse. Many of his decisions had been influenced by that like him studying refinement to support Chun Yin as best as he could. And then, shortly after he himself came of age, all that crumbled in front of his eyes.
Suddenly, the previous insinuations seemed like a distant memory. They weren’t repeated any longer. Instead, he was chastised for being foolish to believe that he could ever fill the place at Chun Yin’s side and when Biao Han appeared, their Master welcomed that.
After living through all of that, how could Jinde ever trust anyone again? If he took in a child from outside, he would likely have been afraid of being crossed again. If the original parents returned or some other relative, he would be left behind in the dust, once again being alone.
Only his own biological child could give him some security but he needed a partner for that. Even if you created the child by utilizing your spiritual energy that was a necessity.
Leng Jin Yu couldn’t say what Jinde’s thought process had been. Surely, if he had wanted a child, there would have been people to take part. Just think of Xin Lan! That guy surely would have jumped at the opportunity. But he had decided against that and had instead entered into a contract with Jian Heng, a guy that was … well, a demon. Just that alone showed how desperate Jinde had to have been at that time.
He still remembered what Jinde had said when he originally told him about Jin Ling: That he had wanted this child to only be his and because demons didn’t love their offspring, he had been sure that Jin Ling would indeed only be his child but never Jian Heng’s despite being his blood.
While he had left out the critical part that Jin Ling was his blood as well, the main thought still might have been the truth. He had thought that without love for the child, Jian Heng wouldn’t care about him and leave the two of them to their own devices. Unfortunately, he hadn’t thought about how Jian Heng surely had his own plans that didn’t center around love but around something completely different.
Leng Jin Yu narrowed his eyes. Actually, he could imagine a thing or two that Jian Heng might have wanted. For one, it certainly hadn’t been his loss to sleep with Jinde. And then, the possibilities it gave him in the dragon realm had been endless.
If Jin Ling was on his side … he might one day be able to rule over both the demon and the dragon realm through proxy. That was likely why he had stayed around and also why he had influenced Jin Ling in the way he did. It was all to make his ultimate goal come true. Jinde … he had simply been a means to an end.