By the time Rui Lan arrived at home, Cang Gui Ying was sitting on the couch, looking apprehensive. Li Ming might have tried to calm her down but in the end, what he had said still amounted to having a talk about their relationship. Even if Rui Lan didn’t plan on directly breaking up with her, who knew if they would be able to solve whatever was bothering him? If not, then maybe the result would still be a break-up. She didn’t want that!
All those thoughts swirled through her mind on repeat until the moment the door opened. She clenched her fists in her lap and then looked up, hoping to see something from his expression.
Rui Lan had talked the general points through with Li Ming but that friend of his hadn’t wanted to tell him how to say it, always bringing up how it should be his own words. He felt a little vexed about that but it wasn’t like he could force him. So on the drive home, he had thought about it over and over again, trying to find the best way to start.
When he walked into the living room and saw his girlfriend sitting there all tense, those words immediately flew away. He awkwardly stared at her and then could only clear his throat before slowly walking over and sitting on the couch next to her. In fact, he only sat on the edge. It really gave the feeling that he would bolt the next moment.
He also realized that he couldn’t keep quiet for long. Cang Gui Ying was clearly anxious already. If he continued like this, it’d only get worse. Then no matter what or how he said it, the conversation wouldn’t be productive.
He cleared his throat again and then looked down, also folding his hands in his lap. Since he couldn’t remember what he had originally wanted to say, he could only put it all out on the table. Feeling that it might be too much, he still tried to soften the blow with an apology. “I’m sorry for suddenly wanting to talk like this and not even bringing it up myself.
“I just … I didn’t dare to, always feeling like I’d screw up, so I wanted to talk it over with Li Ming first. I feel like he’s better at these things than I am. And I thought if he told you before, you’d take it better than me bringing it up just like that. So … yeah.”
He nodded awkwardly and then took a deep breath before he got to the main point. “Anyway, you … you mentioned that I didn’t want to move in or settle down with you. And … the latter’s not true but I guess there is some truth to the former.” He saw her expression change and hurried to rush out the next part. The last thing he wanted was to see her cry. “It’s not that I don’t want to live with you. Honestly, I love spending time with you. It’s just that … I’m … afraid.”
He cleared his throat again at that. It really wasn’t an easy thing to say. In Cang Gui Ying’s eyes, he had always wanted to be reliable. He knew she liked strong men and admitting that there were things he was also afraid of didn’t sit well with him. Especially not when it came to something like this.
But even though that was the case, he knew he didn’t have a choice. He had to tell her or this wouldn’t work. And nothing but the truth could justify why he was stalling all the time.
“Xiao Ying, I love you. I have … for the longest time. Even when we were broken up, I still loved you. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have gotten back together. It’s just that, looking back now, I also understand why we broke up in the first place.
“Every couple has some things they hate about each other. We also had that. And I think it’s not something that can’t be fixed. But back then, we were always together. Whether it was at your place or my place, hanging out with mutual friends, sharing our hobbies, moving in together, or you getting a job at the same place I did, we never separated. There was never any downtime. And I think because of that, those small things we disliked about each other just seemed so much more aggravating.
“Now, we’re back together. I’m really happy and I want to make this work. Not just for another two years but for the rest of our lives if I can. It’s not that I haven’t thought about the next step as you said or that I don’t want to settle down with you. I have and that’s what’s making me anxious. I’m afraid it’ll all end up like the last time and we’ll break up because we get on each other’s nerves and I’ll miss out on being with the most amazing woman I know.
“I couldn’t forgive myself for letting that happen. So … when you bring up things like moving in together or going out together with friends or working out, I try to change the topic or give excuses, all because I don’t want that to happen. But I know it hurts you. I can see that and I feel like an asshole but I just don’t know what to do.”
He finally looked up after saying that and then couldn’t help but blank when he saw that unknowingly, she had started to cry after all.
Well, great. He clearly sucked at this. Now, he couldn’t help but feel that he should have taken Li Ming with him after all, privacy be damned. Had he already ruined his relationship after all? Just thinking of that, he gulped. He also didn’t dare to do anything or say even just another word more. What if he screwed up even more badly? His expression did get really apologetic though.
Cang Gui Ying sniffed and finally leaned over, wrapping her arms around his neck. Holding onto him while crying silently, she finally couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s the most I’ve ever heard you talk about your feelings. If I had known talking with Bro Li had that kind of effect, I already would have asked him to talk some sense into you long ago.”
Rui Lan just blankly stared ahead, not sure what to do. Either way … it seemed his relationship was still on track?