Mo Fang was taken aback. He really wouldn’t have expected this kind of interrogation at such a place.
His hesitation was more than enough for Li Ming to shake his head and turn around. He went back to his own bag and started to take off his clothes, changing into sportswear. “You see, and that is exactly the problem.
“To me, honesty is important. I wouldn’t have thought that I needed to have a talk with you about that beforehand. I mean, no, actually, I saw that you weren’t always honest with me. But I thought you were just nervous at the beginning.
“I thought that you would come clean soon. I thought you would approach me on your own and then tell me what you really thought about these topics and how things really were.
“But instead, you continued to lie to me, over and over again. That matter with Bian Huan? You think it’s all about that but it isn’t. That was just the last straw. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live like that.” He shook his head and pushed his clothes into the bag, hanging it over his shoulder again. “You know, that is why I broke up with you. And whether it is a romantic partner or a friend, I have the same basic standards for both. Being able to be honest with each other is part of that.
“So I’m sorry, but you’re neither boyfriend material nor friend material. I’m sorry. I really thought it was different. But right now, I just can’t see any kind of relationship with you. Just working together is difficult enough, if I’m being honest.” Saying so, he finally turned around and went to put his bag away. He didn’t stay around to watch what Mo Fang would do and just went to the training room, getting onto the treadmill and starting to run.
He wasn’t sure if this counted as running away from his problems. In any case, he had told Mo Fang these things on the first day as well. Maybe not quite as frankly but he had done so. It was just that he was slowly realizing that maybe he needed to be more explicit with him. Maybe when it came to Mo Fang, subtle just wasn’t the way to go.
To be honest, he hated that things had turned out this way. He had really thought Mo Fang was different. He had thought their relationship was different. He had thought that this could be it, the thing he had been waiting for, the one great love in his life.
After meeting and falling in love with him, his crush on Su Yan had seemed ridiculous. But at the end of the day, he had made the exact same mistake: He had fallen in love with something that he envisioned, not with something that was truly there.
And no matter what he did, he couldn’t live with something that was just in his head. He needed a real partner, somebody who really was the way he saw him. Because otherwise, he would just keep being disappointed. And after this whole matter, he didn’t think he could take another one of these big disappointments.
It was normal that some relationships didn’t work out. It was normal that that even happened when you thought the other person might be the perfect partner for you. Because sometimes, you just misjudged someone. Sometimes, you just realized that there was more to a person than you’d seen at the beginning and you would need a while to figure that out and see that yes, this wasn’t it.
The problem with Mo Fang was that that hadn’t happened. Mo Fang had pretended to be somebody that he wasn’t, he had misled him deliberately. And that was something he couldn’t deal with. He never could.
Li Ming furrowed his brows at that and then leaped from the treadmill, taking out his phone. He opened his messages, staring at the photo Mo Fang had sent over last.
If they could have had this kind of relationship, he would’ve been overjoyed. But the problem was that they couldn’t. Because Mo Fang wasn’t this person.
Even if he hadn’t made this up and was really going to a cooking course and had made this dish himself, he was still doing this as an act. He was once again trying to be somebody that he really wasn’t.
Mo Fang probably believed that if he did this, then it wouldn’t end. He believed that he would take him back if he morphed himself into this kind of person that he believed him to want as his boyfriend.
But that was exactly the opposite of what he wanted. Because he wanted somebody who was honest with him and true to himself. He didn’t want somebody who would bend himself into some shape for his sake. He didn’t get any enjoyment out of that and he didn’t think that the other person would either.
Li Ming’s thumb hovered over the screen for a moment and finally, he moved to block him after all. There was a pang of hurt in his chest but he just pressed his eyes shut and then shook his head at himself, switching his phone off and putting it back into his pocket.
It was time to let go.
For both his sake and for Mo Fang’s as well. Because he didn’t think that Mo Fang would be the one to do that. So if he wanted this to end, he had to do it himself.
In fact, maybe this wouldn’t even be enough. Maybe he needed to take some more drastic measures. And maybe he should take this whole escapade with Mo Fang as a sign that it was time for that.
Yes, maybe it was time for him to change something fundamental about his life and just start a new chapter. Even though that was a scary step, maybe he just was at that point in his life.
He couldn’t see himself going forward and right now, that was what he needed to do if he wanted to find happiness again. He first needed to become happy by himself again.