Li Ming was left confused after Bian Huan left. In general, he understood what this meant but he had no idea what to do with this knowledge. Honesty was something that was incredibly important to him. It always had been.
Back at the time when he had already figured out that he was gay but hadn’t told his family yet, he had felt like a liar. Mentally, it had been the worst time in his life and he never wanted to experience that feeling again. Since then, he had always held the belief that you should never lie. Even if the truth was hurtful, it was still better than telling some grand tale to spare the other’s feelings. In the end, it would come out anyway and by then, it would hurt even worse.
He respected that same honesty in return even though he did realize that sometimes, there were things that weren’t easy to share. Also, sometimes, you needed time before you were ready to confront the truth or share it with somebody. But that was different.
In that case, you could still say that there was something bothering you but that you weren’t ready yet, you could ask for some time. He was definitely the last one who would have forced Mo Fang to say something that he didn’t want to say yet.
But especially because of that he felt hurt. If it had been something big, then he would’ve been disappointed nonetheless but he would’ve been able to understand. But this? He couldn’t understand. He couldn’t imagine a single reason why Mo Fang would start to lie to him. And what might have shocked him even more was the fact that he had done it so effortlessly.
At the beginning of their relationship, there had been some moments where he was sure that Mo Fang didn’t tell him the full truth or maybe tried to make things seem different than they were by skirting around it. And he had thought that he was just nervous or scared and needed more time. And even though he hadn’t been happy about it, he had thought that this would stop soon enough.
Now though, it turned out that it hadn’t stopped. Instead, over the span of a few weeks, Mo Fang had suddenly started to be able to tell him a lie without him detecting the slightest sign of it. Right now, that made him doubt quite a lot of things.
Li Ming wasn’t quite himself thanks to all the things going through his mind. He hadn’t started his shift too long ago but for the rest of it, he was really out of it. He wasn’t happy with that either but he couldn’t help himself. Even when he tried to focus, his thoughts would still travel back to what Bian Huan had just told him, and then he would wonder about Mo Fang again.
He was so much out of focus that the other security guards finally noticed as well and couldn’t help but huddle together to discuss what to do. In the end, they sent Rui Lan over since he was the one that had the best relationship with Li Ming.
Rui Lan also didn’t quite know what to say but he still went over and then stopped right in front of him, stopping Li Ming in his tracks. He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his head before finally giving a wry smile. “Alright, what’s going on? You’re not like your usual self.”
Li Ming stared at him for a moment, not quite sure what to make of this either. As it turned out, this whole matter had thrown him off enough that it actually became apparent to the others. He sighed when he realized this and shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m probably causing more work for you guys. I’ll … I’ll do better.”
Rui Lan shook his head though and motioned for him to step to the side so they wouldn’t be in anyone’s way. “No one was complaining. You’re always helping us if there’s a problem. So, what’s going on?”
Li Ming hesitated. He felt like he had pulled Rui Lan too much into his relationship already. Back then when he had been worried about taking the next step with Mo Fang he had asked him once. It had seemed like a good idea at first but on second thought, he had felt that Rui Lan had been quite uncomfortable even though he did try to help. Li Ming definitely didn’t want to repeat that.
Still, since Rui Lan was already asking, he at least owed him an explanation. “It’s about Mo Fang.”
Rui Lan gave him a long look and bit his tongue to not say ‘I told you so’. Right now, that wouldn’t help Li Ming. But really, he wasn’t surprised that there was already trouble in paradise after only a couple of weeks.
He had known that Li Ming would have his fingers burned if he got with Mo Fang. He just wasn’t the type of guy for someone like Mo Fang. Li Ming was serious and committed and Mo Fang … well, was neither of those things. He was changing relationships much too often.
In fact, Rui Lan was a bit amazed that these two had already managed to make it to two months. For Mo Fang, that was already pretty decent. And he felt like most of that was thanks to Li Ming and not to Mo Fang. He didn’t say any of that though and just gave a hum. “Do you want to talk about it?” That was probably the most neutral response he could go with.
Li Ming looked at him and gave a wry smile as well. “To be honest, I don’t think that would be a good idea. It’s … it’s something I’m not really sure about myself. I guess it would just cause more trouble if I talked it over with you. It’s better to go to Mo Fang directly.”
Rui Lan nodded. “Alright, you’ll know better. In any case, if you do need somebody to talk to, I’m there. We all are. So just say the word and we’re there for you.”
Li Ming nodded, feeling slightly better after getting this reassurance. He knew that this was something that he needed to solve on his own but it was nice to know that no matter how things went, there would be somebody for him to talk to. That was already nice.