Seeing Qiu Ling’s gaze, Jing Yi had no trouble at all understanding what he was thinking about it. His expression fell and he hurriedly turned away so as to not show his true thoughts. Even though Qiu Ling had said that he loved the two of them the same but just in a different manner, he still knew that he couldn’t compare with Jing He in Qiu Ling’s eyes. That just wasn’t possible.
To Qiu Ling, Jing He would always be the most special person. He couldn’t prove it but he just knew it in his heart. If both he and Jing He were alive at the same time instead of like right now where Jing He could only return after he died, then Qiu Ling would be with Jing He instead of with him. Even if there was a situation where they got into danger and he could only save one of them, he knew that Qiu Ling would always choose Jing He. He wouldn’t even hesitate at that moment and just rush to his side, doing everything he could before even thinking about the him that was left behind to die.
There wasn’t any special reason. That was just how differently Qiu Ling felt about them. He might deny it but it was the truth, so much was obvious. And the worst thing was that no matter how long the two of them were together, no matter what he did, in Qiu Ling’s heart, there would always been a special spot for Jing He.
Yes, he had long placed this person on a pedestal and built a shrine for him, making anyone else seem insignificant in comparison. Who knew what the reason was? Maybe it was the fact that Jing He was his first love. That he was the ‘original’. Or maybe it was that Qiu Ling just regarded Jing He to be the same as himself. In any case, even if he figured it out, it wouldn’t change anything because he had no way to counter it.
He couldn’t become more similar to Qiu Ling. He couldn’t become the original instead of Jing He. He also couldn’t take that spot of his first love. There was nothing he could do. If time was unable to change things, this was really a lost cause. As long as there was Jing He’s shadow around, he would never be able to step out of it.
He had thought differently back in the mortal realm and had really tried his best while there but now that they had come to the Nine Heavens, he was slowly realizing how idiotic that had been. And that even though today was only his first day here. Who knew how much clearer things would become in the future?
Jing Yi closed his eyes, actually feeling like it would be best to return to the palace they had been given. In any case, while he had wanted to see the Nine Heavens’ capital city, he had especially wanted to cultivate good feelings between him and Qiu Ling. Now, that he realized that nothing would change even if he did that, he started to feel ridiculous.
What was he doing competing with a basically dead person? Where was the sense in that? But the truth of the matter was that even if he tried to compete, he was the one who would lose. He would always be the one to lose. It wasn’t fair but he just couldn’t change it. As much as he hated to admit it but that was the truth.
At that moment, Qiu Ling turned back to him. Seeing that Jing Yi was looking in the other direction, he also looked over, wondering what it was that he was looking at. Finally, the only thing that he could spot was a building that was several stories high, towering far above the other buildings. He felt that Jing Yi might want to know about that?
Thinking of that, he almost wanted to heave a sigh of relief. Talking about something unrelated to Jing He and the trials would probably be much better. Thus, he casually stepped closer and tilted his head toward the building. “Oh, that is the Tower of Wisdom.”
Jing Yi was pulled out of his thoughts and didn’t know what Qiu Ling was talking about for a moment. He turned back and raised his brows but Qiu Ling continued to misunderstand and went on to explain.
“Ah, it is one of the other important places in the capital. I think the Goddess of Wisdom is the one that takes care of it. Basically, it’s like a huge library. All stories are filled to the brim with books and scrolls, detailing all the knowledge of the Nine Heavens. I think there’s a copy of every book in there that has ever been written here.”
He didn’t dare to look at the place, a few memories unwittingly turning up in his mind. One day, he had been there with Jing He. Not inside but outside. He had held him in his arms and jumped up to the roof of the tower. That feeling of holding him in his arms, of being at a place where usually nobody would look, it was still etched into his mind. He just couldn’t help himself. Recalling it, his gaze unwittingly softened.
Every memory with Jing He was precious to him. No matter what he did, he would always think of it. That was just how it was. Even though he wanted to focus on Jing Yi as well, this place was just brimming with memories of Jing He. Yes, as long as they were here, he probably wouldn’t be able to not think about this matter all the time.