Mo Fang stared at him for a moment and finally leaned forward, wrapping his arms around his neck. At this moment, he actually didn’t have any further thoughts. He just somehow felt appreciative. More so than he had ever done in any of his other relationships.
Maybe this was stupid. There really was no reason to feel like the other men hadn’t appreciated him. It was just that the things he was appreciated for were different. And maybe it would be exactly the same with Li Ming if not for the fact that he had pretended to be somebody that he wasn’t.
He just wasn’t that kind of good person that Li Ming thought him to be. He was vain and shallow and needy and clingy and all-around a really high-maintenance person. He also knew that. He didn’t have any thoughts on changing though. He didn’t think that there was anything wrong with him. It was just that most men weren’t able to handle it.
He had always been alright with that. But now that he had found somebody excellent like Li Ming who would actually appreciate his partner, being himself might just not be enough. And he really didn’t like that thought. It was maddening!
Li Ming hugged him back, noticing that Mo Fang seemed to be feeling down. He rubbed his back, feeling a little guilty. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“It’s not you.”
Li Ming didn’t quite know what to make of that. It wasn’t him? Wasn’t Mo Fang down because of what he had done just now? Well, he was probably just deflecting again because he didn’t want to make trouble. It seemed he needed to reassure him.
“Believe me when I say that you are definitely desirable. It’s just that I want a bit more. I want to make this last. And I think that if we rush into things, we might miss a chance to actually make that happen.
“Maybe it’s a needless worry that I have. But I would just like to take my time with you, you know? That doesn’t mean that you always have to put your own feelings behind mine though. I don’t want that. But I’m afraid I have given you the impression that that actually is what I want. So let’s talk about how to make it work, alright? For both of us.”
Mo Fang hugged him even tighter. He really didn’t want to let go. Li Ming might not be rich but he had a stable job. There was nothing to argue about in the looks department and his personality was better than at least sixty percent of the guys that he had dated before. There were only a few that came close to how he was.
So, yes, he would also like to make this work. He was just afraid that it wouldn’t work out. And that possibility … he really didn’t know how to stand it. Was there nothing he could do?
He furrowed his brows, not quite sure what to think. Usually, things were so easy. Good looks alone were enough to make a guy interested and then he’d just go from there. But with Li Ming, it really was difficult.
He didn’t doubt that Li Ming actually thought that he was beautiful. Anyway, he was a model. It took a special kind of person to think that his looks weren’t outstanding. But other than that, Li Ming was so difficult to deal with. He didn’t even know where to start. He had never needed to work so hard to actually get into a relationship.
Li Ming actually felt similar just that his thoughts were going in a slightly different direction. He had always gone the same way about his relationships as well, just that his way was less forthright. Now, he was in a situation where he couldn’t do things like that for the first time. It was quite strange.
“You don’t want to talk?” He was actually a bit worried about what Mo Fang would say. If he really didn’t want to talk it out, if he refused to hold back for as long as it would be necessary, then this relationship was already doomed on its second day. He didn’t know how to deal with that. But he also couldn’t bring himself to act against what he knew was the right thing for him.
He gulped and then pulled Mo Fang closer, trying to reassure him. “I don’t mind hugging. I also think I am more comfortable with holding hands in public although I would ask not to overdo it and maybe take the people around us into consideration. Even kissing is alright. But let’s not go further than that, alright? Can you live with that for now?”
Mo Fang who had been wilting on Li Ming’s shoulder was re-vitalized. Wait a moment! Just yesterday, hadn’t it been not to get close at all? In other words, after this whole episode, Li Ming was actually softening his stance?!
This was … an expected win for him! Of course, he wouldn’t say no to that. Well, he wouldn’t say no in the end. He did have to pretend a bit so Li Ming wouldn’t think it was too easy to deal with him.
He pulled back a little, putting on the saddest face he could. “Are you sure about that? Aren’t you … finding me unattractive?”
Li Ming opened his mouth to speak but he had a hard time actually finding the words. “You’re not unattractive.” He honestly couldn’t imagine a world in which Mo Fang wouldn’t be considered attractive. Whether it was his face or his body, there obviously wasn’t any part of him that could be considered ugly or even average. He was outstanding in that regard.
“But …” Mo Fang looked down, and then took back his hands, folding them in his lap. “Even when you’re in that kind of situation, you don’t want to do it with me or want to let me help you at least. Doesn’t that mean that you don’t think I’m good enough for it?”
Li Ming gave an embarrassed smile. What did Mo Fang think who had put him in ‘that kind of situation’? What did he even mean with ‘that kind of situation’, huh? But saying so would make things even more awkward. So he really didn’t know how to continue.