SML C66 Maybe There’s Something Wrong with Me

Mo Fang finally achieved his wish of snuggling up with his crush in bed and couldn’t help but smile to himself. Who would’ve thought that that stupid ex of his would actually have such uses? He should probably write Lan Heng a thank you card and then send him an invitation to their wedding if they had one in the future. He deserved it!

Happy with his victory, he made himself comfortable on Li Ming’s chest and then closed his eyes, finally falling asleep.

Looking at the two of them like this, they really seemed like a couple. If anybody would’ve seen them, there would’ve been no doubt about what they thought of it. And even Li Ming who had originally been a bit apprehensive was able to relax soon and had a good night’s sleep. Well, it was a good night’s sleep for a few hours at least.

Halfway through the night, Mo Fang sat up with a yelp, panting heavily.

Li Ming was startled awake and sat up as well, hurriedly grasping him by the shoulders. “What’s the matter?” He almost wanted to jump out of bed and turn on the light but he was afraid to leave Mo Fang alone.

Mo Fang had some trouble sorting his thoughts and couldn’t answer for a moment. “I … I had a nightmare.”

“Oh.” Li Ming didn’t quite know what to say to that and just rubbed his shoulder, hoping that it would calm him down. “Your ex? Just don’t think about it!”

Mo Fang stared ahead blankly for a moment, still seeing the crab in front of him that had just jumped at him in his dream. He only registered Li Ming’s words after a moment had gone by and then turned to him with his eyes widened. He was unable to see much more than just a shadow of his figure in the dark but that was probably a good thing. His own expression might have given away his true thoughts.

Ah, who would’ve thought … His image was already so much ingrained in Li Ming’s heart that he immediately thought any kind of nightmare he had would have to be of Lan Heng. Well, that really wasn’t bad for him. Definitely much better than admitting what his actual nightmare had been about.

He took yet another moment to control his expression and voice before speaking up. “You’re right. I really shouldn’t think of him as much anymore. But I guess there’s no way for me to stop my subconscious doing this kind of thing. It’s still way too fresh for that.”

Li Ming nodded, feeling that he understood that very well. You could tell yourself that you shouldn’t think about something when you were awake all you wanted. It might be hard but it was at least doable. But at night when you were sleeping, naturally there would be things haunting you that you would rather not think about.

And his recent breakup was definitely one of those things. The fact that he had just gotten thrown out probably didn’t help. He was in such a vulnerable position that every little thing might remind him of Lan Heng. “You should try to go back to sleep for a few more hours. I’m sure that won’t happen again.”

Mo Fang gave a hum and the two of them lay back down. After yet another moment, Mo Fang once again sat up, startling Li Ming who had almost fallen back asleep.

“What’s the matter? Still can’t sleep?”

Mo Fang stared into the darkness, feeling like kicking his own ass. Why had he just sat up again? Since Li Ming hadn’t said anything … But then again, this was also a good opportunity to make sure that his image wouldn’t collapse. “I … I’m sorry. I just laid back down and …” He turned to glance at the spot next to him and then slightly wriggled to the side. “Did I … roll up to you at night? I’m so sorry! I even said that I wouldn’t jump you at night and then something like this happened. I can’t apologize enough.”

Li Ming needed a moment to realize what was going on and then felt a bit stunned. He had thought about what to do when he woke up in the morning but now, Mo Fang had actually realized what was going on when he lay back down just now. “Ah … Actually, I’m a bit of a messy sleeper. It might have been me who rolled over.” He also wriggled to the side, hoping that Mo Fang would accept that explanation.

Mo Fang’s lips curled up and he reached out, lightly touching Li Ming’s arm. “Bro Li, has anybody ever told you what a nice person you are? I’m doing something wrong and you’ll immediately try to bear the blame yourself. You should be careful or I might just fall in love with you.”

Li Ming gave a hollow laugh. “You’re thinking too much. There is no such thing. Anyway, I’m probably not good with relationships.”

Mo Fang kept quiet for a moment but really couldn’t help himself from speaking up again and inquiring further about that. “Why would you think so? You haven’t told me much but from the bit that I heard, I felt that you are probably very good to be in a relationship with. At the very least, it sounds as if you would respect your partner very much and would also be very accommodating. I can’t imagine that you’re not good with relationships.”

Li Ming rolled onto his side and looked at the slender frame of Mo Fang’s body. “Thank you. It means a lot to me to hear that you think I would be good at that. To be honest though … I really think I’m lacking. It’s not that I wouldn’t try. But even though I’ve had a handful of slightly longer relationships, it’s all over, isn’t it? They all ended at some point.

“I just feel that … while everything is alright when just having fallen in love, I might not be somebody people want to be with in the long run. And lately, I’ve been wondering if maybe there is just something wrong with me. I try to be accommodating and supporting as a partner but maybe I actually get wrong what they want. Maybe it’s just in my head, you know?”

Mo Fang stared into the darkness, completely unable to understand. “What would make you think so?” Even if he couldn’t understand, he was indeed very happy that Li Ming would be willing to tell him such things. That was definitely an opportunity he had to take to get to know him better.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Author’s Note:

You might have seen the note in one of the OMF chapters already but I recently finished my Saturday’s project “Choosing You”. Since then I’m using that day to cycle through my other projects and do some extra chapters for them. Thus, today, there’ll be a second SML chapter! 😊

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