Qiu Ling paused and thought back slowly, sighing to himself while he did. He hardly knew how to describe that time. He hadn’t really been happy but he had not completely hated it either. Maybe it would be best to say that this encounter in the forest had laid the foundation for him to find his happiness one day.

Yes, without what had happened, he never would have left that forest. Without the little hope and warmth he had felt in those months, he wouldn’t have yearned for a life among others again, maybe never stepping out of his solitude. Without emerging, would he have left any traces in the world for Xin Lan to find him? Would he have acceded to the throne and finally met Jing He?

No matter how he thought about it, it seemed that this one encounter had changed the trajectory of his life that had gone off-track with his father’s decision to leave the capital city. Yes, it was her who single-handedly turned his fate back around, allowing him to finally return to where he should have been. She certainly hadn’t known that this would be the result but she had managed to do so. But because of this, it was even more of a pity how everything had turned out.

Qiu Ling’s expression fell as he thought of this and he had to force himself to continue writing his letter.

[I was still scared at that time and while I don’t remember much in terms of details, I feel that she likely knew that. It might just be that it would be obvious to most people that a young dragon living in the woods away from anyone would be scared when suddenly meeting a stranger or maybe my reactions to seeing her gave that away. Either way, I would be surprised if she hadn’t known. From the little I remember, she would move exceedingly slowly around me and speak softly. I must have thought she was dimwitted but clearly, she was only trying to help me relax around her.]

He coughed, feeling that admitting to that might not be too good. But then, he had been young at the time, and even worse than his actual age had been everything he had missed out on.

[I suppose going through what I went through has its consequences and being alone for so long will indeed change your temperament somewhat. I had difficulty trusting anyone, even myself. Nowadays, I suppose I should count myself lucky that I met her who was willing to stick around and slowly move forward, trying to allow myself to find back to who I should have been.

Unfortunately, those who do good in life are seldom rewarded and she certainly wasn’t. She stuck around for months and I indeed learned to trust her to a degree. Still, this newfound connection could not stand up to the fear that had already been rooted deeply in my heart.]

He stopped writing once again, his gaze wandering to the water mirror once more. He didn’t want to write this. He didn’t want to admit to it. No matter what words he used, he could not justify what had happened. But yes, Jing He deserved the full truth so he could only grit his teeth and write on.

[I can’t recall much so I won’t try to piece together how everything progressed. What is important is how we separated or rather how I left her. At that time, she, who seemed a little younger than me, had also come of age and she proudly showed off her dragon form that she could fully control now. When she turned back, she asked me to show her mine, and it was this what finally caused disaster to strike.

You don’t know this but after my parents’ death, I had never taken on my dragon form. I feared it just as much as I feared the memory of what had happened. That is because our dragon form shows in much more vivid detail just what we are. My demon blood was likely obvious was what I thought but I did not want to believe that I was no dragon so I refused to take on my other form in the hope that as long as I did not see it with my own eyes none of it would be true.

That woman though, she was relentless. I suppose she felt that my fear had something to do with this so she felt that as long as she prodded me a while longer and managed to have me agree, she would be able to see through the issue and help me. She wasn’t right. Maybe she wasn’t wrong either but neither of us was equipped to handle this matter.

That day, she finally managed to convince me, and in front of her, I took on my dragon form for the first time. As a result, what I feared indeed happened: My form showed signs of my demonic blood and she who had no idea what my issue might be and had not been prepared, reacted in shock. And that, in turn, made my fear peak and in that fear, I attacked her and as she lay dying, I finally fled that stretch of forest I had called my home for many months.]

The brush paused and Qiu Ling leaned back, closing his eyes. He couldn’t go on. He didn’t know how or where. This matter was the worst he had done in his life, even worse than killing his own mother. Where it concerned Biao Han, he at least had an excuse, a semblance of justification. But when it came to this woman who had done nothing but tried to help him … he had no such thing. There was only endless guilt, made worse by the fact that he could hardly remember her.