Jing He lowered his hands and turned to look at the door. What to do? He really wished he had somebody to talk to this about but that was impossible as well. Other than Qiu Ling and his family, he had no one.

His thoughts unwittingly traveled to the memories he had recovered after returning from his trial. Qiu Ling had once apologized that he had gotten in his way and kept him from making the friends he should have deserved. During his trial, he had agreed. Now, he didn’t think so any longer.

As Zhong Jing Yi, had he really not had friends? Then how come he could travel through the whole mortal realm and find a group of people willing to put down whatever they were doing and come to bid him farewell before he left their realm forever? Was this not what friendship was?

He truly had behaved entitled during his trial. He had asked so many things of Qiu Ling without ever reciprocating. He had made trouble for him when Qiu Ling refused to follow his whims.

This was probably what he was like deep down if he wasn’t chained down by the responsibilities his station brought with it. It wasn’t a personality he liked, although he had to admit that he envied the freedom he had had as Zhong Jing Yi. If he could be like him … he could get married whenever he wanted as long as Qiu Ling was willing. He didn’t have to take anyone else into consideration. If he didn’t know how to continue, there were also people he could go to to ask. It wasn’t impossible. He wouldn’t be quietly ruminating by himself, wondering how to continue living his life now that he had encountered such a bind, turning more devastated by the minute.

Unfortunately, his trial had ended and he had returned to this life. There was nobody left he could ask, nobody he could tell his problems to, nobody who would understand. He was once again caught between what he wanted and what he ought to do with no solution in side to reconcile both things. He could only defy his father and marry Qiu Ling or forgo the love he had found and honor his father’s arrangement.

Jing He’s lips quivered and he hurriedly closed his eyes again, wiping the tears away before they could fall. He wanted none of this. He wanted to be able to marry the man he loved but he didn’t want to lose his father’s respect. He just … he wanted both.

Jing He opened his eyes again, staring at the tea that had gone cold. So much for calling his reincarnated self entitled. Wasn’t he the same? He couldn’t make a decision even though he knew that he had to if he wanted a solution. There was no way to have both. He knew that. And yet …

Jing He got to his feet without a clear plan in mind. He just knew he couldn’t continue sitting and agonizing over this any longer. He needed to … he needed to get out. This study was too stuffy. He felt like he would suffocate if he stayed here.

He took a step toward the door but then stopped again. If he went out, he’d have to face his father and explain himself. What to do then? It hadn’t been too long since he came here and his father was still suspicious. Even if he let him go, he’d certainly send the guards with him.

Just thinking of being accompanied back to his palace where he would be trapped inside, feeling as if he was a prisoner in his own home, made his breath catch. He couldn’t do this any longer. He … he just wanted out. He just wanted a few moments of silence to himself with nobody to disturb him.

His hands shook while the sounds from next door faintly reached his ears. He needed an excuse. Something to do that his father would accept but where the guards couldn’t follow. His mind churned and he could finally only think of one thing.

Taking a trembling breath, Jing He walked the rest of the way to the door and stepped out. His gaze slipped to the throne and, sure enough, his father immediately turned to him, ignoring whatever he had just been doing.

Jing He lowered his head, his mood tumbling even further. “I don’t feel that well, father. I’ll go to the Temple of Medicine if you don’t mind.”

Rong Su blanked. In fact, Jing He indeed didn’t look well. He seemed pretty pale. “That … do you want me to come along?” He already got up halfway, feeling that he couldn’t leave his precious son alone in such a situation.

Jing He shook his head though. “No. I know that father is busy and it’s not that far.”

“Oh, that’s true.” Rong Su still felt uncomfortable. “Well, the guards will be there so I guess it’s alright.” He hurriedly waved for somebody to follow him.

Jing He inclined his head and walked out of the palace. He glanced up at the sky, his brows furrowing slightly when he noticed that a faint layer of clouds had gathered above. He hurriedly turned to the side, indeed walking in the direction of the Temple of Medicine, the guards directly behind him.

His thoughts were still in disarray, one moment recalling the many times when Qiu Ling had proposed to him, then the next remembering his father’s anger when he told him that he indeed wanted to marry him. He also thought of the first time he had met Qiu Ling and of his father’s warning right after.

Doomed.

They had indeed been doomed to be star-crossed lovers from the moment they met and nothing could change that. No matter what he did or what Qiu Ling did, it had long been too late.