Jing He lowered his gaze, twisting his fingers in his lap. “What I remembered … it wasn’t much.” Saying this, he couldn’t help but feel like was too disappointing. Clearly, from Qiu Ling’s words just now, there were many things that he wanted to talk about but they would require him to have his memories. Now that he hadn’t remembered yet … how could this conversation happen?
Jing He felt tangled but there was nothing he could do about it. The memories of the trials would return in their own time. You couldn’t influence them to come faster and slower so there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t even pretend that he knew more than he did since Qiu Ling would be able to tell.
He sighed faintly, hoping that Qiu Ling wouldn’t be too disappointed with him when he told him the truth. “To be honest, I only remembered the very end, the death of my mortal reincarnation. It should have been during a battle.” His hands tensed when he thought back and he couldn’t help but glance at Qiu Ling. “You were also there.”
Yes, what was harsher to endure than the actual death was the questions that had inevitably arisen when he saw Qiu Ling and heard him call out with such anguish. But now, some of those questions had been answered at least: Qiu Ling had accompanied him from birth to death it seemed. Of course, he would feel anguish when he saw him die. After so much time spent together, there would naturally be mutual affection, right?
Jing He hesitated but finally couldn’t help but speak up. “My mortal reincarnation …” He trailed off, not sure how to continue. He wanted to know if the two of them had truly been in love but it seemed too presumptuous. After returning, Qiu Ling hadn’t mentioned their wedding even once. In fact, he hadn’t spoken of his current feelings for him either as if those had grown cold in the past months. There had only been a few words regarding how he had originally loved him and thus wanted to do something romantic. Thinking of that, Jing He could only lower his head and fall silent again.
Seeing him like this, Qiu Ling faintly raised his brows. “What about him?” Somehow, he felt like things weren’t going well. He had been trying to slowly breach the topic of Tian and only introduce Jing He to the idea of everything else bit by bit but it didn’t seem working too well. His beloved looked … well, it might be unhappy?
With Jing He, it was sometimes tough to say what he really felt. After all, he would always make an effort to hide those feelings. But either way, there seemed to be some negative feelings whatever they might be exactly. In light of that, it seemed he’d have to rethink his plan.
Jing He didn’t know how to answer Qiu Ling’s question. What about him indeed? Naturally, he couldn’t ask. He had regretted his words as soon as they were out. But now, it was too late to take them back. He could only come up with something else.
He hesitated before finally looking up. “He wasn’t of the god race. So if his behavior was …” He tried to find the right word but most of it seemed to presume a relationship between him and Qiu Ling that he currently wasn’t sure they still had. In the end, he could only settle for something that didn’t quite fit his meaning but was still close enough. “If it was in any way offensive, I hope you won’t mind.”
Qiu Ling shook his head. “Not at all. I …” He hesitated as well, still not sure how to go about this. “I mean, I know he wasn’t from the god race. And I would never fault you for something outside of your control. I hope you know that.” He tried to give Jing He a deep look but his beloved had once again lowered his head, not giving him the chance.
Qiu Ling cleared his throat and got up, walking around the table before he stopped in front of Jing He.
At this, Jing He raised his head, feeling startled. “I …” He hesitantly got to his feet, not sure what Qiu Ling intended to do. Either way, this seemed to be the closest they had gotten since Qiu Ling stepped through the door. In response, his heart thumped faster than before.
Qiu Ling smiled faintly and reached out a hand. He didn’t take Jing He’s hand directly as he used to and instead gave him the choice of what he wanted to do. “After waking up, I assume you were told about the battle so you probably haven’t left your palace much. Since I’m here now and you said you’re doing well, how about going outside to sit in the pavilion? You’ve always liked that place. Maybe it’ll … feel less stuffy?” He originally wanted to say that it might lighten his mood but finally couldn’t bring himself to do so.
Jing He looked at him in a daze but seeing how this was the man he loved, he naturally wouldn’t hesitate when an opportunity was given. He quietly put his hand in Qiu Ling’s and watched his expression as Qiu Ling gently held it.
“Alright, let’s go then.” Qiu Ling made sure to walk slowly as he took the few steps to the door. Jing He might have said he was alright and as somebody who was part of the god race, he might not need to worry much either but his soul had still left his body for a prolonged period of time during the trial. Surely, it was better to be safe than sorry.
Jing He wasn’t sure what Qiu Ling thought but holding his hand and walking next to him, he felt a bit better. There was just something reassuring about Qiu Ling finally touching him again. At the very least, it could prove that he wasn’t so disgusted with him because of something that had happened on his trial that he couldn’t stand being that close to his body. At least that … was good news, wasn’t it?