SML V3C66 He Wasn’t Ready

Li Ming sat on the couch, feeling as if his whole world was shattering around him. He had believed Mo Fang. When he had some kind of explanation for what had been going on with Bian Huan, he had believed him.

And why not? He never would’ve expected that Mo Fang would just lie to his face when he asked for clarification. Even if there was some dishonesty, he wouldn’t have thought that it was to this degree. Now, he was slowly realizing that it was to an even bigger degree than he had thought.

Mo Fang had lied to him for the past weeks and then again today. Now, he had even asked Bian Huan to lie to him as well. Everything was a lie. From beginning to end, there had never been any truth.

He slowly got up even though he didn’t know what to do. He just knew that he wouldn’t be able to deal with it if Mo Fang came looking where he was and asked him what was going on. He … he didn’t have the strength for that talk right now. He needed some time to come to terms with this first.

There weren’t any other options so he went to the kitchen and started taking out the ingredients he wanted to use tomorrow morning.

Looking at everything, he realized that this would probably be the last time they would eat together. Because, no matter what, he couldn’t stay with Mo Fang.

There were some things that he could overlook and some things that weren’t a big deal to him but this? This was one of them. No, more than that. This was the one thing that he couldn’t condone. The one line that could not be crossed.

And it hadn’t just been crossed once, it had been crossed several times. Too often, anyway. Even if they talked and he made clear to Mo Fang how important this was to him, there would be no way back. Because no matter what, his trust had already been destroyed.

Before the call that he had heard just now he had thought that maybe if they talked things out, if he gave it a bit of time, they would be able to make things work. After all, trust could be built. And with enough honesty on both sides and some effort being put in, he was sure that they would be able to build enough trust to go forward. But not anymore.

Li Ming propped his hands up on the counter and leaned forward, closing his eyes. His relationship with Mo Fang had seemed perfect all around. Now though, it wasn’t like that anymore. On the contrary, it was everything but that.

Thinking back now, maybe he should have been able to see it. But he hadn’t. He had thought everything was normal and now, this was the result.

He rubbed his face, covering his eyes with his hand, feeling like crying but also not being able to shed a single tear.

He had thought that Mo Fang could be the one for him. That he was the one that he might be able to spend the rest of his life with. Yes, it had been much too early to tell. But there had been this feeling that they fit like he never had with anyone else.

There were enough things that they had in common. There were enough matters where they differed. Even though there were still things that they needed to work on and come to an understanding about, he had indeed felt as if things were headed the right way.

Now, it was already over. Just a couple of months in they were done. Well, not officially and that talk would be the hardest he might ever have but they were done. There was no other way.

Li Ming went to sit down at the table, staring blankly. He had been wondering half the evening how he was supposed to have a difficult talk with Mo Fang tomorrow on their free day. He had thought that they would be talking about healthy communication, the responsible use of alcohol, and the small things in their relationship that still needed to be ironed out but were important in the long run. That had seemed difficult enough. And now?

He took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled, feeling that he wasn’t up for this task. He could have serious talks. But a breakup? He knew that he needed to do it. But he didn’t know how. How did you tell somebody that it was over? Most likely, you would try to do so in a way that hopefully wouldn’t hurt either of you even more. If that was even impossible.

Li Ming got up again, unable to sit still. Having nothing better to do, he finally picked up the ingredients after all, starting to prepare tomorrow’s breakfast.

Their last meal together, if he had known, maybe he should have chosen something special. Then again, you did special things for your boyfriend, not your soon-to-be-ex, right?

Actually, come to think of it, if Mo Fang had lied about the thing with Bian Huan, who knew what else he had lied about? In fact, from beginning to end, what was he able to believe?

The break up with Lan Heng? Had that really been like he told him? Or had there been more? And what about Mo Fang slowly falling in love with him over the week after that? Had all of that really been the case? Come to think of it, he had had a strange feeling about Mo Fang at first. Maybe he should have trusted his gut at that time.

Maybe it really was just this one matter. Or maybe their whole relationship had been a lie. Yes, he honestly wouldn’t be surprised anymore. In any case, hadn’t there often been traces of these kinds of things? A situation that seemed so dramatic and dire and then turned out to be nothing more but ‘misunderstandings’? Maybe that wasn’t quite what it was. Maybe Mo Fang had been making things up at that time as well. Yes, the longer he thought about it, the more he felt that it was true.

Li Ming cut up the last of the ingredients and then finished up the dish, putting it to the side and covering it with clingfilm. He stared at it and then opened one of the drawers, taking out a pack of post-it notes. He stared at them for a moment and then, not sure if this was the right thing to do but in the end, he went and got a pen.

Indeed, this was a talk he wasn’t ready for.

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