SML V2C62 A Sense of Panic

The two of them kissed for a moment before Li Ming pulled back. He cleared his throat and then motioned over at the door. “Do you still want to go and work out?”

Mo Fang pursed his lips in response. “Well, to be honest, I’m not really in the mood right now. Would you mind if we didn’t?”

Li Ming just shook his head. To be honest, he had expected that. Mo Fang clearly hadn’t been in a good mood when he came in and it probably wouldn’t change that fast even if he tried to cheer him up a bit. “It’s alright. We could just eat together first and then maybe we can go and take a stroll later on. Then we’ll get a bit of exercise but it won’t be as strenuous.”

Mo Fang gave a happy smile. This was definitely a good idea. “Alright, let’s do that then. I think right now, working out really isn’t something I’d be looking forward to.” He paused and then couldn’t help himself and tugged at Li Ming’s lapel, giving him a hot look. “Well, unless you were thinking of working out in bed.”

Li Ming raised his brows, not sure how he was supposed to react to that. They had already had that conversation more than once and it wasn’t like he would suddenly change his mind. While they were closer, he still wanted to wait a bit longer. It might be idiotic but he just wasn’t the type of guy who really enjoyed having sex before he knew his partner well.

He felt a bit put on the spot when Mo Fang brought it up like this though. After all, continuously rejecting him was bound to hurt. And somebody like Mo Fang who clearly put a lot of emphasis on being physically close would probably feel hurt even worse in that case. Letting him down gently would be for the best but he wasn’t quite sure how to do that.

“I don’t know. Isn’t it … isn’t it a bit early? And any case, I don’t even have lube at home.” He felt awkward having suddenly said so and couldn’t help but clear his throat again. “I mean my last relationship has been a while ago. I never really needed it so …” He awkwardly laughed, feeling quite embarrassed at this moment. Seriously, why had he brought that excuse up out of all the ones that would be possible?

Mo Fang didn’t seem to mind though. He just continued to smile suggestively. “It doesn’t matter. In any case, don’t you have the kitchen?”

Li Ming raised his brows, trying to find the link between not having lube and having a kitchen. He failed though. “I … I’m not sure if I understand what you mean.” It wasn’t like a change of place would change whether they needed to lube up or not, right?

Mo Fang’s smile turned a little smug. “Ah, you know, the stuff you can buy is definitely great but it’s not like there weren’t times when people needed to rely on other ways. I happen to have briefly gone out with somebody who was into that kind of stuff. So I’m sure we could find something in your kitchen that we could use instead. So if you want to, there’s really nothing holding us back.”

Li Ming gulped. Somehow, he felt that he had made things even worse by bringing up that excuse. It probably would’ve been better if he straightaway said that he wasn’t ready yet. But it really wasn’t easy to say that to Mo Fang’s face. “That … I’m not sure if that’s the kind of experiment I would want to do.”

Mo Fang pursed his lips, clearly not very impressed with his boyfriend’s lack of adventurousness. “Well, I guess we can’t do it that way then. I wouldn’t mind giving you oral though. Or maybe you’d prefer a handjob?”

Li Ming stared at him with wide eyes, a sudden sense of panic grabbing his heart. He had also had a couple of relationships and it wasn’t like he hadn’t tried this kind of thing with them but none of his boyfriends had ever been as straightforward as Mo Fang.

Before he knew what he was doing, Li Ming had already jumped to his feet. “That … Ah, how about going to eat first? It’s not going to get any earlier.” He turned away, evading Mo Fang’s gaze, and strode into the kitchen. Leaning against the counter, he held his forehead, scolding himself. What was with that reaction? It wasn’t that bad, was it? In any case, it wasn’t like Mo Fang had insisted. He had just made a suggestion. In a good relationship, they should be able to talk about this.

He sighed and lowered his hand, looking at the ingredients that he had already put to the side for today’s meal. He lightly shook his head at himself and then just started to get to work.

Mo Fang slowly followed after him and stood in the doorway with his lips pursed. He really didn’t know what had suddenly gotten into Li Ming. Was it that strange that he wanted to get intimate with his boyfriend? But then again, Li Ming had said that he wasn’t ready yet. He had probably had pushed him a little too far too early on.

Thinking of that, Mo Fang walked over, wrapped his arms around Li Ming’s waist, and rested his cheek against his back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to pressure you. It’s just that … I really like you. So whenever we are so close, I just can’t help myself. Previously, none of my boyfriends have been like this. Having sex early was always really normal to me. So I get a bit anxious when you aren’t excited about that idea. But I know how you think about it so don’t feel pressured or anything.”

Li Ming put down the knife and then turned around, pulling Mo Fang into his arms. “I’m sorry too. I don’t want you to feel anxious about this. I just really need a bit more time. Don’t think too much.” He kissed his forehead and then motioned over at the table. “You can just sit down and wait. I’ll be ready in a bit. If I had known that we weren’t going to go for a run, I would’ve prepared earlier so that we could eat as soon as you are here.”

Mo Fang let go of him and indeed walked over to the table, sitting down as if this was pretty much his place already. “Ah, don’t worry about it. To be honest, it’s nice to see you prepare everything. That makes it seem like we’re very close. I mean you’re probably not doing that for people often, right?” He fluttered his eyelids at him when Li Ming turned to glanced at him, making his boyfriend give a chuckle.

“Not often, no. You are definitely the only one I would cook for every day.”

Mo Fang’s smile brightened, giving Li Ming the feeling that things were alright again. He turned back to the counter and then continued to prepare breakfast. Well, even though there were a few hiccups, this was also helping them work on their communication skills. That was not the worst thing that could happen.

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