Li Ming couldn’t help but have a guilty conscience when he saw how depressed Mo Fang was after hearing what he had to say. While he didn’t think that he was wrong, maybe the timing hadn’t been right so he couldn’t help but speak up to try and reassure him. “It’s not because of you. It’s … it’s really me.” After getting out that sentence, he immediately shut up again. What kind of reassurance was that? It almost sounded as if he wanted to break up with him again!
He cleared his throat and tried again. “You see, I’m somebody that needs a bit of time to get used to change. It’s just like how I couldn’t immediately say yes when you told me that you like me even though I actually had feelings for you at that time already.
“I just needed some time to get comfortable with the thought and think it through for myself to make sure that I wouldn’t regret it. I am like that most of the time. I just tend to overthink a lot.
“This is … basically the same. It’s not that I don’t like the idea of being close to you or doing these things. It’s just that … it’s a little too early for me. I need at least a few more days to get into my mind that we are a couple now. It’ll help to know you better but I just need that bit of time.”
Mo Fang pursed his lips in response. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand that but he couldn’t help but find that utterly boring. Why wait for so long? Anyway, it wasn’t like this was the first time for either of them. Why couldn’t they just jump straight in?
Unfortunately, he couldn’t say that to Li Ming so he could only put on a smile and bear with it. “Well, as long as is it isn’t that you don’t like me. I don’t want to annoy you. I just … I’m just so happy.” He reached out and grabbed Li Ming’s arm before hurriedly pulling back his hands. “I’m sorry. You know I’m just like that when I get excited. And when I really like somebody, then I want to be as close to them as possible. It’s nice talking with you and just spending time but I would also like to be closer physically. It’s just something that I like to do. It makes me feel that you’re really there, that I am not alone, that I … can rely on you. It gives me a sense of security that you won’t just leave again.”
Li Ming felt even worse when he heard that explanation. Obviously, Mo Fang was very worried and that was why he behaved the way he did. And instead of recognizing that and reassuring him, he had said such a thing.
He reached out and gently grabbed Mo Fang’s neck, brushing his cheek with his thumb. “Silly, of course, I’m here. I’m not going to just leave you. I like you and I want to be with you.”
The corners of Mo Fang’s mouth slightly quirked up but he still looked down. “You’re saying that. But how can I be sure? I also thought that Lan Heng would stay with me. And I thought the same with every other boyfriend I had before as well.
Now, look at me. They always leave me sooner or later. I mean … I do think that you are much better than any of them ever was but … maybe there’s just something wrong with me. Maybe people just don’t want to be with me in the long-term.”
Li Ming inched closer and reached out with his other hand as well, cupping Mo Fang’s cheeks. “There is nothing wrong with you. You are a beautiful, kind, bright person. It’s my luck to be your boyfriend. And it was everybody else’s good luck to share a bit of their life with you. It’s just that … sometimes, it doesn’t work out. Sometimes, people aren’t meant to be together. But I’m sure that there’s a right person out there for everyone.”
Mo Fang gave a sad smile. “You don’t want to say that you are my right person though. That means that maybe you’ll also leave me.”
Li Ming sighed. Even though he knew that Mo Fang wanted some reassurance, he couldn’t do that. After all, today was their first date. How could he promise him forever? If it didn’t work out, he’d just feel worse. But he also couldn’t just say nothing. Because if he did, then that wouldn’t help at all.
He pondered for a moment and finally resolved himself to go another way. “I can’t promise you that I’m the right person for you. I can’t promise you that I will stay with you forever either. After all, I simply do not know the future. But I can promise you that I will try my best at getting to know you, at being a boyfriend that you will be proud of, who will always spend enough time with you and talk with you if there’s a problem. Isn’t that already a lot?”
Mo Fang hesitated for a moment but finally nodded. He really would’ve liked to ask for more but … if he did, he would probably seem a little too needy. That also wasn’t what he wanted. No, he had to stop while he was still ahead. Thus, he forced himself to smile. At the very least, this was half a victory. “Alright. I guess that is already a lot. I shouldn’t ask for more. Maybe … Maybe I’ll get lucky and still get everything I wish for after all.”
Li Ming nodded. “Right. Let’s see together what the future brings us.”