Jing He didn’t think much. He only felt the need to be closer to Qiu Ling, to not leave any regrets, and to assure him that he desired a future together just as much as Qiu Ling wanted it. He wanted to show him that he desired him in the same way that Qiu Ling felt toward him.

He didn’t know much about these things and he had no idea how exactly to go forward. But he distinctly felt that lowering his bottom line and ignoring the boundaries of what the gods deemed acceptable should be the right choice. He had been ready to do so before but Qiu Ling had always stopped him. Maybe today, it would be different.

He clung to his lover’s body, his lips not leaving Qiu Ling’s. Instead, he pressed further against him as if he wanted to melt into his body. His senses were filled with the other person to the point where he felt that he might drown in them.

Qiu Ling held him close, his hands wandering. Surprisingly though, that was all that happened. He was even the one to finally break the kiss and pull back.

Jing He looked at him in doubt, not sure what to make of this reaction. Did Qiu Ling … not want more than this?

Qiu Ling continued to look at him for a while but then lowered his gaze. “I … should probably bring you to the city now, shouldn’t I?”

Jing He didn’t move and simply held onto him but his mind was churning. He didn’t understand but … he didn’t dare to ask either. What if Qiu Ling indeed didn’t want him? Right now, it seemed like it but he also knew that Qiu Ling had pulled back in the past because he felt that he was afraid of going further so maybe that was the actual reason.

He hesitated for a while but, in the end, he told himself that he couldn’t be faint-hearted now. With their future so uncertain, he had to grasp the right time. “I …” He wasn’t sure how to explain to Qiu Ling what it was that he wanted.

Qiu Ling also seemed hesitant but finally raised his hands and cupped his cheeks, giving him another quick kiss. “Don’t think too much. I know it’s a lot right now but things will get better. Just take everything one step at a time. For now, let’s go to the city and have them contact your uncle. Then, it’ll be a bit more waiting. It’s not that daunting if you think about it that way, is it?”

Jing He looked into his eyes and felt uncomfortable all over. “I …” He had never really taken the initiative. Even if he did, the context was a lot more inviting than right now. But he didn’t want to give up either. This might be their only chance to be with one another.

He gulped and curled his fingers around the fabric of Qiu Ling’s robe, trying to calm down. “I … don’t want to leave yet.” There was something else that needed to be done and it would be impossible if they reached the city. He couldn’t allow them to leave right now.

Qiu Ling raised his brows in what had to be surprise but still nodded. “Alright, then we’ll stay for a while longer. Do you … want to sit and rest for a while?” He looked around as if searching for a suitable spot.

Jing He trembled slightly. If he let this go on, then nothing would happen. Qiu Ling would find a place for them to rest and he would lose all courage. But how to say this? How to show Qiu Ling what he wanted instead?

Qiu Ling faintly tilted his head, staring at him in doubt. His long hair hung over his shoulders, brushing Jing He’s fingers.

Jing He looked at it and thought of the way Qiu Ling tended to bury a hand in his hair as he kissed him. His fingers would weave through the strands, finally holding on tightly, steering him to move as he intended him to. Qiu Ling … probably liked the way it felt.

From what he had seen so far, the dragons liked to wear their hair open while things were a little different among the gods. To them, it often depended on the specific region they lived in, and many times, it even came down to individual differences. He himself liked to switch things up, especially after he had realized that Qiu Ling seemed to like certain styles on him more. Every day was a calculated effort to look his best for him and Qiu Ling’s actions usually showed fast whether he had done so successfully or not.

This time, Jing He reached up himself, trailing his fingers through Qiu Ling’s hair instead. It was nice, very thick but soft to the touch. During the ten years they had been together, he had actually never thought about it. He wouldn’t have dared to take the initiative to touch Qiu Ling in any way, even if it was something as innocuous as this. But now … it seemed a good way to start.

“It’s nice.” The words didn’t seem to say much but they perfectly expressed his current feelings. If he was able to start with something so simple, then everything that should follow seemed to be a lot easier as well. At the very least, he did not have to put his actual wish into words so soon.

Qiu Ling smiled and his hand indeed couldn’t help but raise, his fingers brushing through Jing He’s hair in that familiar way. “I don’t think it compares.”

Jing He’s lips curved and he continued to brush through those black strands but his hands soon reached Qiu Ling’s shoulders and then traveled further down. “Being with you always has been. I have always … felt very secure in your arms.” Before this, he wouldn’t have dared to say this but he was desperate enough. If there would never be another chance, he wanted to have been honest about his feelings and wanted to have expressed all of it so as to not leave any regrets. He owed himself, Qiu Ling, and their love that much.

“I must not make much sense. It is just that … I have been thinking. Since we don’t know what will happen later, would it not be best to ensure ourselves that there will be no regrets?” He inched closer, his lips nearing Qiu Ling’s again. As they touched, he closed his eyes, and suddenly, the familiar sensations vanished, making him feel at a loss.