Qiu Ling’s joyful expression morphed into something that was hard to describe. Through his tears, Jing He seemed to see doubt, helplessness, maybe even a little fear, and there should certainly be a trace of anger contained in it as well. How could there not be? After such a long time, he suddenly decided against him. How could Qiu Ling stand it?

Jing He lowered his head, unable to look him in the eyes any longer. He had wanted to see him again but … Did he even deserve to do so? It didn’t seem to be the case. Since he was willing to abandon him, then he had lost any right to be close to him.

“This … but …” Qiu Ling seemed as if he wanted to say or maybe ask something but apart from a few scattered beginnings, nothing came out. Each time, he trailed off until he finally fell silent completely.

Jing He continued to cry. He hated having to do this and he hated crying while doing so. Since he had decided, he should not let Qiu Ling see him like this. What right did he have to react like this, after all?

After what seemed like a long time had passed, Qiu Ling finally sighed. “Are you sure? Is … is this final?”

Jing He couldn’t help but raise his head. Looking at his lover’s expression that hovered somewhere between resignation and pity, he felt a pang of pain in his heart. But despite that, he could only nod. “It … is.” He had to force himself to say those words, barely choking them out. It felt as if nothing he had ever done in his life had been as difficult as this. To tell the man he loved that their short-lived love was already over and that there could never be a future for them, to do so with his own words while looking into his eyes, it felt torturous. And yet, he was the last person to be allowed to say so.

Qiu Ling hung his head and finally nodded, not even trying to argue. “I see.”

Jing He looked at his defeated expression and had to grit his teeth to make sure he made no sound. If he allowed himself to voice his grievance, where would he put Qiu Ling’s feelings? He was the one who had needed to make his decision and he had done so. Now, Qiu Ling actually accepted it, despite the fact that he clearly loathed to do so. Between the two of them, only one was allowed to be dissatisfied with the outcome and that person wasn’t he who had made the choice.

“I am sorry.” He lowered his head again, his guilty conscience weighing on him. After such a long time, this was the outcome. It just … seemed so wrong. And yet, he couldn’t change it.

Jing He closed his eyes and took a faint breath, trying to calm his emotions. “I … wanted to tell you first. Knowing my father, you probably won’t want to still be around when … I return.” He dared to take a quick glance and found Qiu Ling nodding but his lover still didn’t say a word.

Well, what was there to say? Since the decision had been made and he had said that it wouldn’t be changed, then all additional words were superfluous. Qiu Ling had understood that truth before he did.

Jing He hung his head again, feeling that he should probably bid farewell now so as to not hurt Qiu Ling further. He didn’t know where to start though. After this moment in time … would they still see one another? Not as lovers but … at least as acquaintances? Most likely, the answer was no. No, in fact, he knew that it was no. He wasn’t as ignorant any longer as he had once been. He was aware of the dragons’ curse.

Qiu Ling couldn’t fall in love again so separating from him and choosing his father meant cutting off that option for him forever. The love and the family Qiu Ling had dreamed of, he was taking that from him as he one-sidedly cut off their future together. Qiu Ling … had to hate him for this. Naturally, he would not want to see him again. So today should be the last time they saw each other.

“I …” He wanted to apologize for the mess he had created and bid him goodbye without adding further insult to injury but the words wouldn’t come. “I am sorry.” In the end, he didn’t manage to get out more than those hollow-sounding words.

In the projection of the transmission stone, Qiu Ling shook his head. “Don’t be. You … had to make a decision. I knew that. And I promised that I would not get involved and not influence you. The outcome … is something I have to accept. I won’t blame you for it.” Whatever other words went through his mind, he didn’t voice them out loud.

Jing He looked at him, the tears still trickling down, blurring the last image he might ever see of his lover. All the things Qiu Ling said … he knew. But despite that, he didn’t feel comforted. No, hearing the one he had hurt so deeply say such words to him, he felt even worse.

He had never deserved Qiu Ling. He had known that from the moment he fell in love with him. All the love and sincerity Qiu Ling poured into him and this relationship, all the work he put in to make this future of theirs possible … he had thrown it all away. That alone was proof enough that he could not measure up to Qiu Ling.

If only the curse had not been, then a man as good as him could have still found happiness. But fate was cruel indeed and such a person would not be rewarded for his goodness and instead encounter too much evil throughout his life. It was heartbreaking to think about and he hated himself for adding to the bad times Qiu Ling had had to weather.

But his guilt and the pain in his heart were cheap. At the end of the day, the one who truly suffered … it wasn’t him so what right did he have to bemoan the fate of others when he was the one who had pushed them into the abyss? If he wanted to complain, then he should better use his time and find a way to make up for his own wrongdoing. Only that could alleviate some of the guilt he had heaped upon his shoulders for much too long. Only by freeing Qiu Ling of the shadow that was this love for him could he make up for the wrong he had committed.