Jing He was doing better than before but despite that, his state of mind was nowhere the same as that of a regular person yet. Holding the letters in his hand, he didn’t even read them and only stared at them, his thoughts flickering here and there.

Just like in the study before, time slowly passed without his noticing. The sun outside set and rose again and continued to climb up the sky. Finally, Jing He was startled awake by a sound from the entrance. He looked over, only to find Tian standing there and looking at him quietly.

He never would have guessed that by now, several days had gone by. Seeing the Supreme Sovereign, Jing He only felt puzzled. Had Tian not told him earlier today that he would give him time to think things through? Why was he back already? It hadn’t been enough time by any stretch of the imagination. He just … didn’t feel any closer to a solution than before.

Tian had actually been standing there for a while. Seeing Jing He’s vacant look that resembled his state during the first week after he woke up, he didn’t have much hope that he had made any progress. Still, if he hadn’t come by, who knew how long it would have taken Jing He to pull himself out of it?

“Have you made any progress?” He didn’t step further into the palace even when he asked him. Most likely, there was nothing to report yet and Jing He would need more time. If this was the case, he should probably leave again immediately. It would help no one if he stayed around.

Jing He hesitated but finally shook his head. “I … I did think about it but … I just don’t know.” He lowered his head, not sure if he should say more. He didn’t want to complain about not receiving enough help from Tian. Honestly, without him, he never might have figured out that there was a way to turn back at all. Just that piece of knowledge was worth a lot. How could he still expect more?

Tian nodded, not surprised. “Well, letting go of your obsessions isn’t easy. It’s a process and you are just at the beginning.”

Jing He nodded but didn’t feel comfortable. “It’s not that I don’t understand what I want. I just … am afraid of the consequences. At face value, this might only be a decision between following my heart and being with Qiu Ling or choosing not to disappoint my father but … with our identities, it isn’t so simple, is it?” He looked back up, hoping that Tian could advise him.

Tian only looked at him though. “Is it?”

“Well …” Jing He furrowed his brows and finally nodded. “I don’t want to be the reason the alliance between our races breaks down but no matter what I choose, that seems to be a likely outcome. I also feel that no matter what I decide on, there will be several people who will be unhappy. Is there even an outcome that could be preferable to the other one? It doesn’t seem like it.”

Tian continued to look at him, not surprised at all by Jing He’s questions. He was the type to overthink so naturally, he would try to think of all this and try to make a decision based on what he figured would be ‘best’. What he didn’t realize was that he had probably long since decided in his heart but was too afraid to accept it. “Let me ask you something.”

Jing He hurriedly nodded and looked at him with wide eyes. If he could get any insight from Tian, maybe it could indeed help. He wasn’t sure whether the answer to his last question had made him get much further but he was probably still lacking some type of perspective on this. Whenever he found it … he might understand.

“To decide on this, what is it that you need?”

“What I need?” Jing He repeated the words with a blank expression. What did he need to decide? More courage would certainly help. A sense of security, maybe. But neither of these seemed to be suitable responses. Although … the last time, the answer to Tian’s question had been ‘loneliness’ so maybe it wasn’t that far off?

Jing He squirmed on the spot but finally felt that saying something might be better than staying quiet. Tian had told him before that he needed to speak his thoughts if he wanted his help, after all. “I … suppose I would need to be more courageous and … not feel as insecure?”

Tian stared at him, silently thinking to himself that if this could be arranged so easily, they wouldn’t have been here in the first place. This was a problem with Jing He’s personality and even he couldn’t fix it. “I mean, you are trying to figure out which decision is right or wrong. At the moment, you believe that neither of them is and that both are equally bad. What would take it for you to consider one of them the better choice? What would need to happen for you to be able to accept one outcome over the other?”

Jing He felt ashamed when he realized that he had misunderstood Tian but then, only confusion remained. What would he need? He … he didn’t know that either. “Is there something that could do so? I don’t know what the outcome will be. I can only venture a guess and all of them are horrible. I suppose … if my father were to change his mind and if there was something in place that could prevent the worst outcome like a breakdown of the alliance, that might put my mind enough at ease to make a decision only for myself.”

Yes, this seemed to be the case. After all, if it was only between Qiu Ling and his father … he truly had no excuse left. In that case, he might just be selfish and choose the one he loved. But with everything else at stake, that was impossible. He just couldn’t do it.