Qiu Ling looked at the person in his arms in a daze. Where was the in-depth discussion of Jing He’s trial, all the thoughts about his mortal identity and his treatment of him, the lessons he had learned, and the things he felt were left to be desired? Why hadn’t he gotten any of that?

Of course, he wouldn’t be unhappy to hear Jing He say that he loved him. No, on the contrary, those words sounded incomparably sweet to his ears. It was just that … while he would usually yearn to hear them, right now wasn’t the moment to confess their undying feelings to each other.

He continued combing through Jing He’s hair with his fingers, feeling puzzled at how any of this had happened. Maybe it was simply because he had opened the topic by way of Jing He’s previous words, so his beloved’s mind went straight to the topic of their future together instead of the past they had shared in the mortal realm? It seemed to make sense. In that case, he had to be more direct after all if he wanted to know what he was looking for.

“I know that you love me. I have never doubted it. Well, maybe a little at the very beginning but I figured I could make you change your mind in regard to me. I sure hope that you won’t ever doubt my feelings for you either. What I was wondering about was something else though.”

Jing He raised his head, looking at Qiu Ling’s face. “What is it?” He hadn’t realized before but now that Qiu Ling said it directly, he naturally knew that he must have wanted to hear something specific from him. It was his fault that he hadn’t thought enough about it and didn’t tell him what he wanted to know.

Qiu Ling opened his mouth but then didn’t speak immediately. It wasn’t like there was a specific thing he was interested in. He wanted to get Jing He to think about his trial and his view of himself. He didn’t want to make him feel even more insecure though. Ah, this really wasn’t easy …

His fingers continued to move and he finally sighed. “I guess … there isn’t just that one thing.” Anyway, all of it was connected. There was no single instance that had turned Jing He into the person he was today. It had happened gradually and it should also be gradually unraveled. Most of that had to be done by Jing He himself though, Tian had been right about that. Since this was the case, he probably shouldn’t try so hard to find the perfect solution. Instead, he should open up about his own feelings, to let Jing He see how things could be. Anyway, this would only help the two of them to communicate better in the future, wouldn’t it?

He clicked his tongue and started from the beginning. “I guess I should explain first. When I met you and fell in love, I did try to learn a bit more about the gods so I wouldn’t constantly step on someone’s feet. I felt like … I was doing quite well when the two of us got closer. I didn’t really have somebody to go to, to discuss these things so I only asked about it in passing and tried to observe most of it myself. It was …” He paused and searched for the right words.

“I guess I should say it wasn’t easy. I didn’t always feel comfortable inquiring about things while also knowing that there were matters I didn’t always get. One of the results of that was that I tried to make do with the bit I could learn in what I felt was a safe way.” He paused again and then sighed more deeply. “When it came to your trial, I felt that it was something I shouldn’t ask about.

“The curse is … a touchy subject for all three races, I’d assume. Maybe the demons deal with it better — I don’t know — but I would at least imagine that this is something everyone is grappling with to a certain degree. And nobody likes their wounds to be exposed. So I felt that it was only right to leave it up to you to tell me whatever you wanted while I would only ask if there was something I felt the need to understand no matter what.

“You also know that the result of that was that I almost messed up your trial. I am sorry about that.” His hand still for a moment while his brows furrowed. “I never meant to … cause even more trouble when it seems like you have lived through nothing but trouble all your life. I thought I was doing good at the time without realizing how much I was putting you in danger. But no matter my intentions, the result remains. As your lover, I failed you at that time.”

Jing He immediately shook his head. “You didn’t. I … I didn’t want to tell you too much because … I felt that there was too much to worry about.” He lowered his head, not sure if he could bring this up. In those years during his time in the mortal realm, there were a few instances he felt somewhat ashamed of now that he remembered everything. He couldn’t take any of it back and could only apologize himself.

That was still alright. He didn’t mind laying his heart bare and admitting his wrongdoings even if it meant that Qiu Ling would lose some respect for him. He couldn’t bear to hear him apologize though. Qiu Ling had done nothing wrong. In all those years, he had always accompanied him, even when he didn’t deserve it at all.

How could Qiu Ling ever be the one who had to make up for anything? No, instead, he should make demands of him how he could regain his trust. And yet, here they were, with Qiu Ling treating him so gently and even apologizing for things he had done with his best intentions at heart. It once again made him wonder how he deserved this man.