Qiu Ling stared at Jing He, wondering if the words he had spoken before had even been registered or if Jing He had heard them but was simply overthinking again and refusing to let this go. No matter which of the two options it was, he had a hard time dealing with it.

He hated seeing Jing He twist himself in this way for the sake of somebody else. He had already shattered his own soul because he failed to find a way to accommodate everyone around him and fit that with his own hopes and dreams. Now, he still tried to do the same.

Qiu Ling rubbed his lover’s cheek and looked at him with sadness. He shouldn’t be surprised. This was what had made Jing He fall in the first place and he hadn’t had much time to work on it so there naturally hadn’t been any progress. Before that happened, Jing He would always be torn up by any decision that needed to be made and he would always try to accommodate others above what he himself might need.

He wasn’t sure if talking about this would change anything. Considering that he had already said that he didn’t need a child to be happy but that Jing He was still bringing this up, it likely wouldn’t. But he also didn’t dare to let this go on without even trying. When Jing He was working through everything back in the High Heavens, he wanted him to be able to think back to all the moments he had reassured him. Maybe at that time, it could make a difference.

“Jing He, my love, you don’t have to. Whether we can have a child or not, I will always love you and stay with you. I don’t care about anything else, just you, you are enough.” He tilted his head, looking straight into his eyes. “Do you hear what I am saying? You don’t have to think about it. No matter what happens, I will always stay by your side because I love you and I won’t stop loving you.”

Jing He looked back at him, caught in that somewhat grave gaze. He indeed heard what Qiu Ling said but … it was so hard to believe. “But this is something you want. I … I should give it to you.” This was what he thought and Tian had indicated the same: If he loved him, he ought to give him what he wanted. How could that be wrong?

Qiu Ling felt as if his heart was being squeezed into a paste. How could Jing He think like this? Just how twisted were the lessons he had learned throughout his life? This … was simply not healthy. He couldn’t live like this. If this continued, then even if Jing He somehow managed to return to being a trueborn god, he would never find happiness of his own because someone around him would always be unhappy and even if they weren’t, he would continue to examine every detail to figure out if they were and if he should adjust his behavior accordingly.

Qiu Ling hugged Jing He tightly, unable to look into his eyes for a moment. He loved this person to the point where he’d rather give his own life than see him suffer but often enough, he had no idea how to deal with him. It didn’t help that Jing He usually tended to keep these things quiet so he had to watch out to see the signs and act based on that.

Looking at it this way, the fact that they were finally able to have this conversation was already a huge step in the right direction. He wasn’t sure what had brought this about. Maybe it was because of the fall and the special situation they were in or maybe Tian had somehow managed to instill this idea in Jing He. Either way, he had to try and hold onto this as a small victory. As long as they continued on this trajectory, maybe there was a chance to make this work.

He took a deep breath to calm himself down and used the opportunity to rub Jing He’s back, not wanting him to feel like he refused to continue talking but just needed a moment. Finally, he exhaled faintly and pulled back. “My love, let me ask you something, alright?”

Jing He naturally nodded and looked at Qiu Ling with curious eyes. He was a bit worried about his reaction right now and the hurt he seemed to have seen in his eyes so he felt anxious about what it would be.

“What would make you happy?”

Jing He blinked his eyes, not sure what he meant. “Me?”

“Yes.” Qiu Ling nodded and groped around beneath the blanket to find Jing He’s hand. Holding it, he looked deeply into his eyes. “You are always saying that you want me to be happy and that for this reason, you will have my child. But … what would it take to make you happy? Do you even want a child for yourself? Not because you think it is what I want in my life but because you’d like to have and raise a child, taking care of them every day? Is that something you have ever imagined for yourself?”

Jing He stared at him in a daze. Of course, he hadn’t thought about children before. He was young and every day was a fight for survival. He had hardly even caught a breath by the time he met Qiu Ling and then he was swept up in the whirlwind called love. Where would he have taken the time to ever consider children?

But even though … “I want to be with you.” And being with Qiu Ling should entail having children with him because Qiu Ling cared. Since he loved him, he could do this for him. It was alright. Anyway, he didn’t have a strong stance on this or any stance, really, so what did it matter to him?