The two of them lay in the darkness, neither of them speaking up for what seemed to be a long time.

Jing He felt insecure, still torn between the idea that Qiu Ling would think less of him if they were intimate before their wedding ceremony had happened and the fear that Qiu Ling might move on to somebody else if they didn’t take the next step. He was still trying to think of a way to bring up that he was ready to be embraced without tarnishing his image in Qiu Ling’s mind but he wasn’t having much luck.

Meanwhile, Qiu Ling was simply waiting, trying to give him time to calm down and not overthink what had happened just now. If this were to make this night a bad memory for Jing He, he’d regret it to no end. Thus, he had to do his utmost to ensure that Jing He could relax again and make happier memories.

After a while, he felt that it should have been enough. He carefully moved the arm that had been holding onto Jing He’s waist and took his hand instead. “My love, don’t you want to see me?”

Jing He shivered when he heard Qiu Ling’s voice so close by. The darkness around them seemed to magnify the effect it had on him, wrapping him up in nothing but the sensations Qiu Ling gave him: His gentle voice coming from behind, the warmth emanating from his broad chest, how heavy the arm encircling his waist was, the slightly rough skin of his hand … It also felt intimate in a way that he was eager to experience. He closed his eyes and let it happen, feeling that this was how this night should be.

Qiu Ling felt odd when he didn’t get a response. He had thought that those half-joking words would make the atmosphere less tense but now, Jing He didn’t seem like he wanted to speak to him. Had he … really gone too far before?

“Was what I did this unforgivable?” He propped himself up on one arm and leaned over, trying to get a glimpse of Jing He’s expression to make sure whether he really was angry at him.

Jing He opened his eyes to the shadow of his lover above him. His heart started racing at once while his mind wondered what might happen next, imagining how Qiu Ling might lean even further down until their lips met and then …

“Jing He?” Qiu Ling did indeed lean down further but he didn’t dare to try anything despite how close they were. Right now, he only cared about being forgiven for getting ahead of himself earlier.

“Mn.” Jing He only hummed when he realized that Qiu Ling didn’t intend to do anything more to him. He turned to his other side, staying quiet.

Qiu Ling continued to watch him in the darkness before lying down himself. “So you’re not angry with me?” It hadn’t seemed like it from what he could see of his expression but he still wanted to make sure. They had miscommunicated quite spectacularly just earlier so he’d rather not risk it.

Jing He didn’t know how to answer that. He’d never be angry at Qiu Ling. He couldn’t imagine any circumstances in which he would. Had he made it seem like he was? Maybe because he had put distance between them? Thinking of this, he shifted closer and leaned further into Qiu Ling’s arms until he rested securely against his lover’s chest.

Qiu Ling cupped his cheek, still not over the previous worry. “I really wouldn’t have been able to stand it had you been dissatisfied with me. Having to separate for these two months … it’s bad enough. I don’t even want to imagine separating on a bad note.” Yes, if Jing He truly was angry and he couldn’t make it up to him in time, he wouldn’t know what to do. Of course, he had never seen his beloved angry so he could probably count on Jing He’s tolerance in this case as well but … he had overstepped quite badly.

“I …” Jing He wanted to explain but paused before he could finish. He naturally wouldn’t ever be dissatisfied with Qiu Ling but the question once again reminded him that the same might not be true for Qiu Ling. A good attitude alone hardly seemed enough to keep such a man. That thought alone managed to stifle him.

“It’s alright.” With Jing He getting close to him again, Qiu Ling already had his answer. He knew that his beloved didn’t like speaking about such things so since it had been cleared up, it was enough. He wouldn’t force him to speak about something that would only make him remember something he’d rather put behind him. He carefully hugged Jing He’s waist again and pulled him closer, kissing his cheek to reassure him. “As long as you’re happy it’s alright.”

Jing He nodded and leaned against Qiu Ling’s chest. At such a close distance, he heard his strong heartbeat and felt reminded that this was his lover, the man he had decided on, the one and only man he would ever accept at his side. A sweet feeling emerged in his own chest, one that made him want to burst out with this love and confess just as boldly as Qiu Ling had confessed to him.

In the end, he didn’t dare to do so. Not out loud, at least. ‘I love you.’ He only mouthed those words that he had longed to say for so long silently. After their wedding ceremony, he could say them out loud and do so while looking into Qiu Ling’s eyes. Maybe he would even dare to lean close and take the initiative to kiss his lips.

Just imagining such a day, Jing He smiled to himself. He raised his hand and placed it against Qiu Ling’s chest, brushing over his robe. He traced the embroidery on it with his fingers, all the way down Qiu Ling’s torso.

Qiu Ling shuddered in response. Jing He had always been exceedingly careful not to overstep any boundaries. To touch him always meant to put into question how close they were and whether those limits still applied to them. To be touched though … that was something that almost never happened. Now, here they were though and Jing He’s touch at this moment seemed especially tempting.

Jing He hastily retracted his hand when he felt his movement, feeling as if he had done something wrong. “I’m sorry. I —”

“It’s alright.” Qiu Ling reassured him but also pulled Jing He close enough that he couldn’t move any longer. He just … couldn’t take this right now.

The two of them were lying in bed, the room around them dark, and those faint caresses were incredibly stimulating. Even though he would never dare to hurt Jing He or go past what he would allow … it was a bit hard to hold back at such a time.

Jing He felt like he had done something wrong. Surely, Qiu Ling had hated the feeling but didn’t want to say that out of consideration for him. He lowered his head, wishing that he hadn’t gotten so lost in his thoughts and been so daring. It would have been better to quietly lie there. At least then, nothing bad would have happened.

Qiu Ling lowered his head and looked into his eyes. “My love, when you come back …”

“Mn?” Jing He couldn’t see much in the darkness but a hint of pale moonlight seeped in through the window, touching Qiu Ling’s face. Jing He stared at him blankly. In his eyes, his lover had always been handsome but … he seemed even more charming in this moonlight.

“When you come back from your trial … let’s marry that very same day.”

“Ah?” Jing He raised his brows, unsure how Qiu Ling had suddenly jumped to this topic again.

Qiu Ling didn’t respond. He knew it was likely impossible but Heaven, he just wanted to hear Jing He promise him. He wasn’t sure how to take this night otherwise. They were so close … and yet, it didn’t seem close enough.

He pulled his beloved even closer, not wanting to allow even a sheet of paper to fit between them. If they could have melted together, he would have been satisfied with that as well. As things were, he simply stuck to him as close as possible, unable to stay away.

Jing He gasped and then held his breath. He looked at Qiu Ling’s silhouette in the dark and waited, his heart pounding in anticipation. To get so close … should mean that he had changed his mind after all and wanted to continue where they had stopped earlier, shouldn’t it?

Qiu Ling stroked his back but didn’t go further than that. His mind was full of the sweet promise of the future. “Promise me. Promise me that we’ll marry as soon as you get back.”

Jing He could feel Qiu Ling’s gaze on him despite the darkness and he could hear how serious he was from his tone. Yes, Qiu Ling wanted to marry him and he couldn’t wait to do so. It seemed as if … had it been possible, he would have held that ceremony tonight so he could finally call him his.

Jing He naturally couldn’t resist this. “I promise you.” There wasn’t the slightest hesitation before he answered. “As soon as I get back we’ll marry.”

“Mn. That sounds good.” Qiu Ling felt better after receiving his lover’s promise. This was what he had wanted to hear. Even if it wasn’t possible to do logistically, just knowing that Jing He agreed was fine. Also … that was a worthy cause for celebration.

He leaned over, his lips finding Jing He’s again and lingering for as long as possible. Only when Jing He pulled back slightly to take a deep breath did he stop.

“Ah, you —”

Qiu Ling chuckled and their lips met once again. This time, he separated again after a moment though. “What’s there to talk about now?” He cradled Jing He in his arms, continuing where they had just left off. He wouldn’t go further than Jing He would let him but … he was afraid of what his beloved might say. Knowing Jing He, there might be some reason to push it back again. Right now, he didn’t want to hear that though.

“Mn, you —” Jing He tried again but the kisses continued to fall and finally, he felt like it didn’t matter that much. He quietly surrendered and just enjoyed the moment they had together. Anyway, there was still a little time before he actually had to leave tomorrow. They could talk about the details before then.