Qiu Ling knelt in front of him and gently took Jing He’s hands. He wanted to make sure that his beloved knew that this wasn’t simply about passion but that this was an expression of his love and his desire to be with him for eternity. Taking the sensibilities of the gods into consideration, he should be as clear as possible about this.

He thought for a moment and then leaned forward, kissing each of Jing He’s hands. “I love you.” He only whispered those words as if they were a pious prayer and maybe they were. This was the most intimate statement shared between lovers, a confession of what he had carried in his heart for so long.

He had said those same words before but right now, they seemed to carry more weight than ever. In a few moments, he would prove them to his beloved with his actions, and Jing He would finally become his. It was a moment worthy of taking pause and ensuring that both of them were ready to take this step so that there would be no regrets.

His lover’s words naturally moved Jing He. He had often heard Qiu Ling say that he loved him and wanted to marry him to spend the rest of their lives together but it had never been like this. With how close they were and the gentleness that had been shown to him just now, it felt even more intimate. Such a fervent confession, it should be responded to in kind.

He tried to find the right words to express that he loved him as well but he had never been good at expressing himself in such moments and while he thought, Qiu Ling let go of his hands, his fingers instead trailing down and cupping his calves. Whatever thought had run through Jing He’s mind the moment before, it was whisked away as his lover’s fingers tightened and loosened in a slow, dizzying rhythm. The soft fabric of his inner and outer robe couldn’t keep the heat from Qiu Ling’s hands out, making him feel as if he was being scalded. Right now, he barely knew left from right.

Meanwhile, Qiu Ling lowered his head. He knew that he needed to prepare Jing He well or he would be startled just like he had been earlier. Right now, his actions indeed seemed useful but he had no experience with this either as Jing He had always refused to have more physical contact before. It was tough to say how much was enough or if there was still something lacking.

He placed a kiss on top of Jing He’s knee, this time lingering where he was. Most likely, he should proceed like this. If Jing He showed an averse reaction, it was time to step back again but if he let it happen, then he should be on the right path.

Seeing as his beloved didn’t protest to this kiss, Qiu Ling leaned forward and placed another one on the middle of his thigh. This was definitely the furthest he had ever gone and the fact that Jing He was not saying anything against it but also not moving to pull him closer was making him a little worried. Was this … Well, what was this?

He wanted to ask but Jing He had always been thin-skinned. If he dared to ask whether he liked it or whether he wanted him to do more … he was afraid that that would make Jing He pull back at once. No, most likely, his silence meant acquiescence. But then, with this kind of thing, he couldn’t take the final step without making completely sure. He just … had to make sure to phrase it carefully.

He pondered and finally figured that the best way forward should be not to mention things too directly. Jing He had always been one for subtlety. He glanced at his expression and finally tried the most indirect way he could come up with. “Then … let’s go to bed?”

“My clothes …” Jing He replied by instinct while his thoughts were still elsewhere. As soon as he realized what he had said, he froze, mortified. Had he just implied for his lover to take off his clothes? Jing He flushed. He wanted to take back the words but it was too late.

Qiu Ling froze as well but he had been waiting for any signal Jing He was willing to give him so he recovered much faster than him. He reached out at once, his fingers flying to undo Jing He’s belt.

Jing He caught himself and hurriedly clasped the fabric to his body before it could be taken away. “I …” His voice had turned breathless, making it sound like a flirtatious invitation to his ears no matter what words he spoke.

The flush on his cheeks deepened and the only thought remaining in his mind was to hide, to not show this ugly side of himself to his lover. Without another idea, he laid down, turning his back to his lover, and pulling the blanket up to his chin to cover as much of his body as he could.

As soon as he did, he felt guilty though. He hadn’t said no before and then he even uttered such a thing. It seemed like an invitation which might make Qiu Ling think that he was cheap. But then, he had also pulled back earlier and now again so … it seemed as if he was trying to stoke his desire but then intentionally withdrawing. It seemed manipulative and surely, Qiu Ling would question whether he was trying to delay him. If he did, he may not want to wait for him to return from his trial any longer. He had already wasted a lot of time on him, after all. The fact that Qiu Ling hadn’t followed him to lie down seemed to suggest that.

Thinking of this, Jing He felt anxious at once. Maybe he should let go of the last resistance and invite Qiu Ling into his bed after all? It was better to seem cheap than insidious for sure. At the very least, if something happened between them, Qiu Ling wouldn’t leave him. He wasn’t that type of man. Even if he only allowed himself to do something in a moment of weakness, he would certainly take responsibility for it and see things through until the end.

Just then, the rustling of sound finally came from behind. Jing He still lay silently, not sure what was happening. He didn’t dare to look over his shoulder to check either. Was Qiu Ling standing up to leave or did he intend to follow him? Could he really leave?

Jing He’s mind turned back to the previous thoughts, torn between keeping quiet and courageously inviting him. But doing the latter … don’t even mention his lacking courage, there was also no experience. He didn’t know how to do it. Just trying to imagine it, his cheeks turned crimson. No, it was better to wait for Qiu Ling to act. If he did something, he could let it happen but inviting him was still taking it a step too far.

Making up his mind, Jing He waited with bated breath, his heartbeat picking up. He even felt faintly excited at the thought. Even though it was sinful to do so before their wedding ceremony, this was still the man he loved so he naturally wanted to be his in every sense of the word. To hand over his body and let him do as he pleased with their skin touching … it seemed right in a way. Anyway, he had already dedicated his soul to him, why not do the same with his body?

It was a pity that Jing He didn’t dare to say any of these things because his silence at this moment was what put a stop to everything that could have happened that night.

Qiu Ling had felt torn for a while. Thinking back on everything that had happened, he still wasn’t sure which step he had taken wrong but … he was at least sure that Jing He did, in fact, not want to go any further tonight. Maybe he had thought before that he did but pulling back at the last moment and even turning away seemed like a pretty obvious sign that he wasn’t ready for more. If he tried again now, he would be a scumbag.

No, since Jing He had made up his mind, then this chapter was closed. He’d leave it be for now. They could talk about it again after the trial was over. Still, since Jing He had gotten into bed and hadn’t tried to shoo him off, it seemed that he at least still wanted him to stay around.

Thinking about it for a moment, Qiu Ling sat on the bed and then inched closer. He made sure to keep the blanket between them to give Jing He a sense of security that he really wouldn’t try anything. Then, he wrapped him in his arms.

Anyway, just sleeping on the same bed was also a major step forward. Yes, this seemed to be the first night they spent together and it happened right before Jing He left. He was happy with that. If he had known that the person in his arms was now at a loss and even felt that it was a pity, he might have regretted not asking about it at least. But, well, sometimes, fate just had its own way of unfolding.