Jing He hesitated. He wasn’t too worried about Qiu Ling’s reaction since he didn’t seem to mind but he wasn’t sure how to phrase what was bothering him. Obviously, the dragons had very different sensibilities as the gods so it was likely that Qiu Ling didn’t think much of it. Meanwhile, he was different. But then, knowing that he was a god … could Qiu Ling truly just ignore that?

Qiu Ling waited patiently, not urging him. They had time to discuss and there was enough time to discuss later as well. No matter what Jing He needed, he would give it to him.

Finally, Jing He sighed. There was no good way to phrase this so he could only try to do what Qiu Ling would and be more straightforward, no matter how difficult it was for him. “Don’t you feel that … I’m pretentious? For refusing to share the bed with you now when we have long since done so during the trial?”

Qiu Ling stared at him in the darkness and then lowered his head, kissing the back of his hand. “That thought never would have crossed my mind.” He looked back up, feeling some heartache. Jing He always thought so badly of himself, it was sad to see. He really shouldn’t be like this. He ought to be more positive. There was nothing bad about him, after all. At most, he wasn’t very courageous and could stand to become a little more decisive. But even then, he didn’t fault him for it. He accepted him as he was, no matter what faults he had or believed himself to have.

He knew saying so directly wouldn’t put Jing He’s mind at ease so he could only try to explain this according to the way Jing He thought. “I know … the trial might feel different for you since you have lived through both this life and that mortal part of it. But back then, you couldn’t remember who you were and no decision you made would ever reflect badly on your immortal self. Not that I think you did anything wrong during that time.”

Jing He nodded but still felt anxious in his heart. “But it has to feel different. It’s not that I’m … reluctant to be close to you. It just … doesn’t seem right.” He lowered his head, his brows furrowing. He wasn’t doing a good job of explaining this. It still sounded as if he was somehow rejecting Qiu Ling. How could that easily be forgiven?

Qiu Ling rubbed the back of his hand with his thumb as if hoping the touch could disentangle the complicated emotions in Jing He’s heart. “I know. Being human is different from being a trueborn god and so is being a dragon. I wouldn’t judge you based on either what a dragon would do or what you did as a human. It wouldn’t be right and I understand that very well.”

He furrowed his own brows as well, afraid that he still wasn’t getting through to his beloved. “It’s like … you aren’t judging me for my past or my mother’s heritage. It’s something I am not responsible for and it can’t change who I am as a person even if it had some influence on me becoming who I am today. Your trial is much the same: Whatever happened has helped you become who you are now and will guide you going forward. At the same time, it doesn’t define you. The past never does. I’ve come to realize that quite well.”

Jing He nodded at once. He still felt that their situation was somewhat different but … he would indeed never judge Qiu Ling by whatever had happened during his early years. Maybe to him, the trial indeed felt similar. “I just want you to know that this isn’t any kind of rejection. I love you. I want to be with you. I just …”

“I know.” Qiu Ling lowered his head and kissed the back of Jing He’s hand again. “Waiting until after the wedding ceremony holds special meaning to you. I know that so it’s special to me too.” Admittedly, he would very much like to slip into Jing He’s bed and just hold him — especially right now — but it wasn’t what was best for his beloved so he wouldn’t. He’d be a very responsible future spouse and wait those three additional days. Anyway, he had already waited for so long. What was this little bit more?

Raising his head again, he peered through the darkness and smiled faintly. “Now, you should really go to sleep though. We still have two days. What’s the use of being too anxious to sleep tonight? If I’m not here the night before the ceremony, do I have to be worried that you won’t be able to fall asleep?”

Jing He quickly shook his head, his face reddening in embarrassment. “No … nothing of the like.” He could certainly sleep. He just … needed a bit more time. He wasn’t the type of person who could go to bed and immediately drift off into sweet dreams. In fact, whether Qiu Ling was there or not, it didn’t seem to make much difference in that regard, whether positive or negative.

Qiu Ling didn’t want to put him on the spot so he simply hummed. “Well, if you are still worried, I am here. I’m a light sleeper so just calling out if you need me is enough for me to be here in just a moment.” He leaned forward and kissed Jing He’s temple before slowly pulling back and letting go of his hand.

Actually … he also felt reluctant but this was how it had to be. Jing He wouldn’t be comfortable if he sat at his bedside the whole night and while he could do a few nights without sleep without any issues, it was still their wedding day in three days. He should also gather some energy these days so he’d be his best version when it counted. After all, he still had to go and gather those flowers and he also needed to prepare tomorrow’s date so he’d have to get up bright and early. Sleeping late really wasn’t appropriate right now.

Convincing himself step by step, he finally retreated to the daybed and lay down again, forcing himself to stare at the ceiling instead of at Jing He’s figure on the other side of the room. If only they were already married, then he could hold him in his arms now … Oh, but soon. Soon, he would be able to do so every night. He should just think of that and he’d easily find comfort to fall asleep too.

Qiu Ling was indeed a light sleeper but also one who had no issue falling asleep at a moment’s notice when it counted. As for Jing He, he still had more trouble but after somewhat coming to terms with the previous issue as well, he finally closed his eyes and those disturbing thoughts stayed quiet enough that he very slowly drifted off into sleep.

As for the day after … he hadn’t thought about it. He didn’t expect his husband-to-be to do too much anyway. In his opinion, it would likely only be another relaxing day spent together, just like this evening had been after they finished all the customs that ought to be done before the day of the wedding ceremony itself.